What a great post!
:-)
Steph4952 its cold
Thank you!
yeah i felt i needed to write it..
i need some help.. my friend is having problems with her body image and its really annoying me because she is beautiful (the one next to me in the picture).. and one of the reasons (well the main reason) she feels this way is because she is a 26 yr old dating a 19 yr old.. do you have any advise for me to tell her because i am sick of it.. she messages me asking whether or not she should message him or call him and constantly complains about the fact that she is too fat or too ugly or is not worthy enough for him.. and we are talking about a 19 yr old boy that is basically your average 19 yr old boy..
I want her to understand that she is what she is.. and that a 19 yr old boy is not really someone you should be relying on or changing for..
they are not in a relationship just seeing each other..
I have told her all this and now she is honestly pushing me away because she is acting really crazy and not listening.. and i feel bad.. because I want to be there for her.. and she is just setting herself up to be hurt.. not that this guy doesnt want to be with her.. I just know 19 yr olds maybe because I am one?
Lady Grinning Soul is loving the sparkle of fairy lights
Helping your friend
I don’t by any means claim to be an expert, but your post rang some bells for me so I thought I’d share…
Firstly, I know it can be very wearing when a friend doesn’t have the clarity of vision about their situation that you do, but you are only seeing the whole picture because you’re on the outside of it! In my experience it’s pointless to try to steer a person away from an emotional entanglement; they resent you for it and tend to shoot the messenger.
If you really want to help your friend, I would suggest (as much as possible, and I know it can be very hard sometimes) that you don’t tell her what to do or what is wrong with the situation That way if/when it goes pear-shaped with this boy she can come to you without feeling that there’s an “I told you so” going on.
Encourage her to see that she deserves to be nurtured and loved in equal measure to the way she gives out love and affection; to me relationships are like a bank account – no-one should be taking out more than they put in!
Keep showing her her worth by being there as the friend you obviously are and resist the urge to fix things for her – this is her life path and there’s possibly a very valuable lesson for her in this experience. Telling her she’s doing it wrong is only likely to confuse and upset her further.
And one last thing – if she’s purely worrying about the age gap remind her that this boy is getting soooo much benefit from being with her; her greater life experience, knowledge, social skills, etc, etc…. My husband is 8 years younger than me and for a while I freaked out on a regular basis that he would leave for a younger model. Not so; every part of me that I thought would be a turn off for him, my husband tells me are part of what he adores about me. The stretch marks from children from a previous relationship; facial lines; droopy boobs and more; he tells me they tell my life story and make me more of a woman. In fact, it’s the very body issues and hang-ups you describe your friend as experiencing that put my husband off younger women.
We’re all beautiful in our own unique way, as you already know. Hopefully, with your continued support, your gorgeous friend will also realise this. x
Steph4952 its cold
this is what Ive been trying to do recently! thank you! but whenever I don’t give her the pleasure of advice.. as in say ‘be yourself he will love you for it’.. she ask another friend and get advice from them and sound exhausted with me because she thinks the only reason im not giving advice is because im bored with the situation.. so ive been trying to do it slyly if that makes sense..
Your husband sounds fantastic!
Im going to tell her your story i think.. hopefully that will brighten up her day this is making her very depressed..
Lady Grinning Soul is loving the sparkle of fairy lights
I’m glad if I’ve helped. You’re being a great friend. Don’t worry too much, just keep letting her know you care and that your lack of response isn’t through boredom, it’s just you trust her to come to her own decisions and that you’re very happy to listen and support while she works through it. x
Have you tried telling her.....
that her worthiness isn’t predicated on whether or not she has guys to spend time with?
