How I did it: I got really clear about what I wanted from a potential significant other:

• Honesty is required (no exceptions);
  
• Substance abuse is not an option (no exceptions);
  
• Exclusiveness is required (no exceptions); and
  
• Someone who can keep up with me and put up with me, not necessarily in that order.

I also decided that I wouldn't ask for what I wasn't willing to give myself regarding the above requirements.

I put the word out to my friends and allies that I was looking for a land mammal with a day job (male of the species), who exhibited the qualities noted above, enjoyed life and didn't seem to have any lingering issues or bitterness regarding his former loves.  (It was more a "putting this out into the universe" thing than an actual expectation that one of my tribe would drop him off on my doorstep, truth be known).

I kept my own eyes and ears open and expressed my interest when a guy popped onto my radar or was intriguing, including the realm of online interactions.

I decided to invite any new friends/acquaintances to join me at my favorite watering hole to watch the Saints play football as a general way of meeting new people; my new Sweet Guy & I met face-to-face for the first time when he accepted this blanket invitation.

My thinking was that I'd be comfortable and very much myself with long-time friends in close proximity; it definitely did help to put me at ease and lessened my nervousness/occasional tendency towards shyness because I was also interacting with other people who know me quite well.  Truth be known, it also made me feel good because people who care about me would have an opportunity to casually "check out" my companion (in the social climate of post-Katrina New Orleans, this is definitely a new "common sense" strategy).

What started as an easy and casual get-together (in a place that is my alternative living room while I was surrounded by friends and allies who bring out the best in me) has become something wonderful for both of us.

Lessons & tips: Be yourself and take chances by meeting new people; be willing to move on quickly if it's not what's right for you (don't settle for less than what would be best for you).  If you are shy when meeting people in one-on-one situations, try to meet in a place that is well within your comfort zone with other friends and loved ones nearby.

Resources: Friends, online communities based on interests (Sweet Guy and I connected through our shared interests in music, sports & photography before meeting face-to-face... In fact, he really enjoyed the online portfolio I'd posted of my own photos -- something I'd done to complete a previous goal here on 43T!).

I also asked my friends to choose adjectives and phrases to describe me, which I posted at online social venues as my "About Me" blurb (the accuracy and objectivity definitely helped to ensure that only someone interested in these traits would step up to the plate).  The following "friend-tested and approved" description is what I posted:  I'm described by my closest allies as being independent, smart, generous, fearless, unconventional, funny, creative, fiercely loyal and a force of nature not yet categorized. I seek out opportunities that challenge me to look beyond my own borders. Petite with curves, strength and high energy; I'm basically a tomboy, but I clean up nicely when it suits me to do so. I'm fair-skinned with blue-gray eyes, decorated with constellations of freckles and a few tattoos. My hair enjoys a life of its own as an auburn mane of curls; I'm just along for the ride.

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Oct 05, 2008, 11:32PM PDT | 1 comment | 1 cheer