How to accept death
How I did it: I will start from the beginning - this happened in October 2000, my dad passed out one night and my mom called the ambulance as he was not responding (but thankfully breathing). He went to the hospital and they ran some tests on him, the results showed his white blood cells were high and they kept him overnight for surveilance.
The next day he went to go see his family doctor. He was told that he has cancer and they wanted to further testing to gage where he was at and how severe the cancer was.
We (my sister and I) were not told of his medical situation of my dad until 3 days after Christmas that winter. I wish my parents were open and honest to tell us immediately. You see Christmas time is my dad's favorite time of the year and he didn't want to spoil it.
Hearing the news, I didn't understand it, my brain could not wrap itself around the idea that my dad had cancer, prostate cancer, in fact and he was given about 2 years to live.
Let me tell you, I was in shock, and then I was angry, very angry and questioned God alot. Yes I tried to bargain with Him, then I got real sad, just thinking about missing him when I needed him and all the stuff we still wanted/needed to do together. My dream was that he walk me down the aisle when I get married. The Lord did grant me my prayer and I am thankful for this. I was in the grieving cycle, even though my dad was still alive.
The five stages of grief:
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
I went through this cycle many times of grieving for many months, and realized that I need to help him through this process. I mean he is still ALIVE and he was a lucky, because he was not in any pain or discomfort and was able to work.
Now he was put on different diets, and drugs for the next couple of years to reduce the cancer and testerone production in his body. Now I should mention that he was committed to Christ and I am greatful as we had some interesting conversations in the end. I know he wanted to stay here with us, but it was not meant to be.
Even through the last 6 months were the worst as he was so ill and was in and out of hospital in the palliative unit. It was so very hard on my mom and I went there every day after work into the night to take care of them both. My sister flew back from New Zealand in the winter of 2005 and he passed away on January 10th, 2006. No more suffering.
I miss him dearly, as I still expect a call or see him when I go back to my parents house like working on the car or on the computer emailing. But I know where he has gone to and that when my time comes I will look forward to seeing him again. Until then, I will remember all the great memories and having the honour I had of him walking me down the aisle. He was a wonderful father and mentor and he was much loved. But in all the things I do, I feel him and his pride when I suceed and letting me know it is OK to failure, but not to giveup.
Lessons & tips:
- tell your loved ones, that you love them daily, if not more - do little things to show that you love them
- appreciate those moments of just being together
- if you have had someone you loved pass away (planned or sudden), seek support services from the hospital, community or church.
- allow yourself to grieve - some people take days while others may take months and even years
- it is OK to move on with your life, as they will always be part of you and your life ~ embrace it
Resources:
- library or bookstores on grieving/loss
- grief consellor
- friends and family
