"My broken heart lead me to cut. "
How I did it: Well, I ,as my title says, was in a very serious relationship. We were together for a while and when I told her I was in love with her, she broke my heart. She ended our relationship and after that I went in a downward spiral of depression.
One night I was sitting in my garage, and I saw one of my dad's spare razor blades. I don't know why but I picked it up and cut my left wrist. I took a ripped T-shirt and and tied it around it to stop the bleeding. The shirt was soaked with blood. That night.....was the beginning of my addiction. Somehow the cutting just made me feel better. It relaxed me, calmed me down, even made me happier. Unfortunately during my cutting I distanced myself from everyone. I am fairly popular, and am a talented member of our school band, but I made the decision to distance myself from many of my friends.
I didn't use many things to cut myself and I was fairly neat about it. I used Razors blades, my hunting knife, and a steak knife. I would go slow to enjoy the pain, and watch the blood drip down. I would keep the cuts very clean and hid the very well. I kept it a secret from my closest friends, and hurt a lot when they found out. I also hid it from my parents.
During my cutting phase, I made the mistake of telling one of my friends. I believe I just did it so he could tell me there was nothing wrong with me. But the friend I told is highly emotional and little did I know was suffering from depression. I blame myself every single day for giving him the idea to cut his wrists, which he did severely. He was eventually caught by his parents and is forced to take anti-depressants which completely change who he is. I myself didn't suffer his fate, which I'm glad about. My opinion was that the only reason he did it, was for attention. I myself never wanted anyone to know, and he announced it to everyone. I hate myself for what I did to him.
I eventually went on to cutting myself on my shoulders, legs, and wrists. A total of 41 Complete cuts before I finally made the decision to stop. I regret my decision to cut everyday of my life. I started when I was 16 and stopped when I was 17. I didn't cut for long, but it was a mistake. I had times where I would cut too deep and wake up in my bathtub in bloody water lucky to be alive. I see the scars everyday and I can never get rid of them. After I stopped cutting myself, I eventually told my parents, and I realized that I had hurt them. But they understood and I have great loving parents for that.
Now a days my life has brightened up. I'm good friends with my Ex-Girlfriend, and I have a new girl in my life whom I've had extremely strong feelings for her the last 5ish years :) Turns out she has feelings for me as well. Things have gotten brighten after my rough patch, and I'm grateful for that. Whenever I have a rough day, I think about cutting, and sometimes I miss it. But I always think about the pain I caused and how much of a mistake it was, so I steer clear of that path. I don't plan on ever cutting again :)
Lessons & tips: If you cut yourself you will hurt others in the process. Find other ways to deal with your problems because scars may fade but they never go away. Don't do it ;)
Resources: I do not recommend cutting but some things to make it safe if you do:
Clean your cuts
Clean with hot water and soap your instruments that you use.
If you cut your wrists never cut down your arm cut across your wrist. Cutting too deep is severely dangerous.
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