How to learn to love myself
How I did it: First I had to stop getting so depressed. I had a bad experience over several years during my teens which meant my self-esteem was severely damaged, and I went from being a carefree child to being a troubled young adult.
I beat the self-hatred by first getting out of the verbal abuse that had made me suffer so much. I was finally miles away, with a fresh start, but for years after, I would suffer with bouts of tearfulness, angst and worry, which sometimes got better, but sometimes got worse during times of stress. After several years, I did weekly therapy sessions for two months. I also read lots about positive self-talk (NLP / neuro-linguistic programming).
A couple of years ago, I also took up meditation. It helped calm the chitter-chatter in my mind. This self-talk ranged from self-accusation and deepest self-loathing to pushing me to unhealthy perfectionism and generally fed into a feeling of never being quite adequate. Instead, meditation helped me focus on the moment, on the joy of being alive and a sincere gratefulness that I had actually been born. What a miracle! I was on this planet, no one else in my place. Just me, exactly me. I thought, 'I should take this opportunity!' As at the end of each yoga practice (I began practicing yoga shortly after meditation), I thanked my body for being there to contain me, for carrying me, letting me feel the wonders of being alive. I did not slate it for not being another body, instead I became happy about being me. I was unique and wondrous and full of life, and there would never be anyone else quite like me.
It has been a long, hard journey, full of ups and downs, successes and set-backs. But one thing has been constant; the knowledge that I deserve to be loved, and that I am capable of being loving. So why not start with yourself?
Lessons & tips: - Walk away from abuse. It's the best thing you can do to really love yourself.
- Positive self-talk: Just like you can hurl abuse at yourself in your mind, you can talk well to yourself, encourage yourself, praise yourself. So why not try saying 'you did good today, well done!' or 'you look great!' or 'you have lots of nice friends!' or 'you are clever!' - It's not about being big-headed, quite the opposite, it's about finally seeing your talents and good sides for what they are. Go on! Be nice to yourself!
- If you feel depressed, which can include self-loathing, feeling worthless or like nothing ever goes right, get some help. I had sometimes mentioned it, but never started any talking therapy sessions - I did it later rather than sooner, but it did make a difference.
- I always say this, but yoga and meditation really helped me nurture a feeling of contentment and happiness that is priceless, and made me feel so much better about everything, including myself.
- Be nice to people, smile, go with the flow - it's easier than you think, and it's nice to make acquaintances, later buddies, and at some point really good friends. Even if you feel you have no network of people to help you feel loved and good about yourself, start small. Start with a smile, then a conversation; if you are going somewhere, invite some people along; take up invitations and you will soon see some contacts develop into friendships. Loving yourself, loving others and being loved are all processes that feed into each other.
