How I did it: I gave one friend in particular a great many opportunities to help me repair whatever had gone wrong with our friendship. I tried to talk to her about what I thought the problem was, how I was feeling, what I wanted to happen. Through that vulnerable process, I realized that she didn't want to change a thing and that my unhappiness in that relationship was not really an issue for her. It was then that I realized that our friendship just wasn't one anymore, I deserved better friendships, and that my energies were being wasted. So after 5 years of BFF, I walked away and never looked back. After the initial shock and sadness of the decision wore off, I realized how liberating it was and kept going until there were none.

Lessons & tips: 1.) First assess whether the person who is negative is someone you really want in your life still.
    a.) No? Then just let it go. If you don't care, I doubt they do.
    b.) Maybe or yes? Then allow that vulnerability of telling them how your feeling, let them know the friendship is in danger and try to fix it with them. I've saved relationships this way too, they didn't all go the way of the dodo.

2.)  Don't be afraid to do the work of fixing it. Otherwise you're just running away and the years of guilt that will follow will let you know you didn't handle the situation right.

3.) Don't expect it not to hurt. It will hurt, you will cry, it will feel like a huge loss. It is, but a little hurt never killed anyone and when it heals, you'll feel so much better!

Resources: My heart and a pair of brass ones.

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Sep 12, 2008, 07:52AM PDT | 1 comment | 3 cheers