How to be more confident by Tiago

"It just feels like being home again. It feels like 'I can make it alone'. It feels like meeting yourself for the first time and falling in love with it."

How I did it: Being confident is all about listening to yourself and to your own needs. Sounds simple, but it takes a whole lot of effort.

The first thing I actually did was look for help. I found an all-around therapist that actually helped me find myself again. It was kind of an alternative therapy that involved reiki, florals and acupuncture. It really did work, I must say.

After doing this, I started paying a lot more attention at my physical body. I found out my eating habits had been trashy, and then I became a vegetarian. Only by doing this I lost 30 pounds. Unbelievable. And better than that, I started feeling a lot healthier.

Mind, body and soul were then put in their right place. It was then time to change my habits: I found out I shouldn't try to make people like me. People should like me as a consequence of who I actually am. Therefore, I stopped doing things I wouldn't actually do myself, but I ended up doing to please people. Stopped going to places where I didn't feel I belong. Stopped listening to music I didn't really appreciate. Stopped getting involved with people I didn't feel I should. You might think it feels lonely. It doesn't. It feels righteous.

As a result, I started doing things I had always wanted to do. I started behaving in a way I had always wanted to. And it was really funny how people were even more receptive after I had become less flexible and adopted a more positive attitude towards life.

And I went shopping. I know this may sound futile and vain, but a good shopping spree might help. And it was really funny how my style changed after all this process. What's outside reflects what's inside, I guess.

Need I not say, then, quitting smoking was a side-effect of all this. A "part of the process" kind of thing that I didn't even get to feel. All because I didn't actually attack smoking itself, but what caused it.

Where did it all lead? To a two-month solo backpacking trip across South America. Once in a lifetime experience, for sure. Guess the lone backpacker was a part of me I hadn't ever let come to surface.

I should actually end this with a song sung by Nina Simone:

"Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Reeds driftin on by you know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life for me...

...And I'm feeling good!"

Lessons & tips: Well, here follow some steps that I naturally took and maybe they should be some help:

  1. Listen to yourself. Sometimes we stick to habits that we don't really like;
  2. Try to forget about what other people want you to be like;
  3. Take care of your body. Feeling beautiful is a huge step towards a good self-esteem;
  4. Don't do anything to impress on people. They should like you as a consequence of who you are, and not the other way around;
  5. Look for help if you think you should. Humility is not an antonym to Confidence.
  6. Don't fear change. Embrace it!

Resources:

  • Alternative therapies;
  • Bach flower remedies can be some help;
  • Acupuncture;
  • New clothes!
  • A nice trip. On your own.


189 people found this helpful
 

Oct 16, 2008, 05:12AM PDT | 20 comments | 158 cheers


Comments:

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Oct 16, 2008, 05:56AM PDT

shannowl

I wish I could cheer twice!

What an amazing journey, Tiago! There’s so much here that you’ve achieved and deserves to be recognised.

I definitely could take some lessons from you and your life philosophy. Applying it is the hard part!

Oct 16, 2008, 06:01AM PDT | Respond to this 2 cheers

Pinkee8 is preparing to lose weight

Great Job!

I like how you emphasize on how we must truly be content with ourselves….I believe we must please ourselves before we please others and though we may think it sounds selfish it’s the best thing we can do to create a better you for self and others! Congrats !!!!!

Oct 18, 2008, 09:48PM PDT | Respond to this 2 cheers

Suki42 is confused

Wow...what an awesome journey...

I am actually where you were. I have struggled many years with feeling empty inside and not really being myself. I am finding it hard to just be me and love me for who I am…it seems a little uncomfortable and not sure how I can learn to love me for ME. To be my best friend and cheer myself on. I am seeing a great therapist and she has been SO helpful. I am learning so much about myself…it will be a journey but now I am finding myself slowly getting excited about it!

Reading your story made me feel it can happen for me. I know there is alot of work involved and I am willing to do it. You should be proud of yoursefl ( I know you are…! ) But it made me smile for you and for me. I am SO glad I read your adventure and thankyou for sharing!

Nov 25, 2008, 03:32PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 4 cheers

Tiago

I'm glad to help!

Suki, I’m so glad my experience can help others. Go on your journey. You’ll feel great. The first step for change is the want for it.

Mine continues. Next step is go backpacking acroos south america, lol…

Nov 26, 2008, 03:59AM PST | Thread | Respond to this

Emotionallytwisted

I need therapy to feel more confident. but im on a tight budget now , and the first thing i think of is how much is going to cost to go to therapy. I dont have the money to splurge like that…

Nov 24, 2009, 04:48PM PST | Respond to this

Ardillon86 Live it up!!!!

Good!

That’s Awesome, I agree with the getting fit part… I’ve been jogging constantly 3 miles every 2 days – for over a year now… It helps me de-stress, and also feel good. I need to work on the eating habits.. I might try becoming a vegetarian (i know it’ll be tough).... So far I’ve lost 20lbs, simply by jogging. Thanks for sharing! The shopping spree sounds vain, but I know it works! ha ha ha

Dec 09, 2008, 11:44AM PST | Respond to this

kmdowling1s is loving

thank you !

what an amazing, admirable journey. you certiantly seemed to have experienced a life changing event. a lot of what you said struck a chord with me. i have some definent people pleasing tendencies that i am trying desperately to overcome. i can feel in my heart that this is not the way to do it ! i guess it takes awhile to stop the nasty habit of pleasing others. i gotta start looking for myself not in other peoples eyes but in my own self actualized soul.

Jan 01, 2009, 07:06PM PST | Thread | Respond to this 2 cheers

PangPeiChang

People pleasing tendencies is something I’d like to start overcoming as well. it’s amazing to hear that others have such similar problems and thoughts!

With that said, Goodluck and best wishes :) I believe we all can do this. Positivity and faith are such good things.

Apr 01, 2009, 05:59PM PDT | Respond to this

sparklebaby is loving the sunshine!

Tiago, thank you so much for taking the time to write! I am glad that I read what you wrote…it motivates me and gives me hope!

Jan 28, 2009, 09:53PM PST | Respond to this

footlongsub

Baaaaa...

...alternative…baaaa.

Jan 29, 2009, 10:50AM PST | Respond to this

andreapacheco

South America!

Tiago, I felt so inspired when i red to your post. I’m really into taking your adivices and get more confident (and happier). (:
Btw, I live in Brazil, in a capital called Curitiba, close to Sao paulo, so if someday you decide to come to Brazil come to Curitiba and let me know (:

Apr 29, 2009, 07:05AM PDT | Thread | Respond to this

Tiago

(7 meses depois)

Então, eu sou brasileiro também, mas de Belo Horizonte, rs.

Que bom que você curtiu o texto. Foi super sincero.

Nov 24, 2009, 05:28PM PST | Respond to this

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Jul 09, 2009, 03:52PM PDT

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Jul 09, 2009, 03:54PM PDT

Nik Hello life.

That sounds like an amazing journey. It’s truly inspirational. Thank you!

Aug 20, 2009, 10:26PM PDT | Respond to this

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Aug 21, 2009, 12:02PM PDT

7MrRiddle7

thanks!

your story/advice was really helpful and inspiring! :D

Nov 02, 2009, 04:05PM PST | Respond to this

nani96 wondering how to work this if you have any tips please send them

your my hero

thankyou so much for this i was always scared to be myself thinking people wouldnt like me for who i am but now with your tips im on my way to being a confident healthy person

Nov 23, 2009, 01:14PM PST | Respond to this


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