How I did it: I've watched my now 22-year old son grow into a wonderful, caring, compassionate and talented man. He has struggled with having a learning differential - something called auditory processing disorder, so that the phrase 'too much information' takes on a literal meaning when he is confronted with multiple choice tests, or overloaded by information when he is seeking a simple answer. Yet, he has overcome time and time again.

When conventional school proved to be a hassle, we tried home-schooling. When going back to school (i.e. college) meant more of the same nightmares, he decided to wait - choosing instead to work, travel and really think about what it is that makes him want to get up in the morning - which is another problem - insomnia- which we've dealt with by getting acupuncture and taking only natural supplements.

My son is good at lots of things, but his passions lie in music, photography and surfing. And rather than dash his hopes by asking, "How do you intend to earn a living from these pursuits," we talk about where he sees himself in say, five years, and figure out how he plans to get there. Then the roadmap becomes clear.

This week, my son returned to school - music school - and is pursuing his AA degree in music performance, with a focus on jazz guitar. This decision - and the steps necessary to gain admission to the school - was solely my son's own doing, and as his mom I can say I am truly blessed and proud of him beyond words.

Lessons & tips: Don't try to force your child to fit in a box. Like my son, they may learn differently, and may be motivated by things that you don't quite "get." I was the kid who went to college immediately after HS, just like my dad did before me. But both my mother and paternal grandmother waited until their kids were older before returning to school. And though I am creative and spent many years freelancing as a writer, I can get along just fine in a corporate setting. Neither of these things suited my son, and once I decided I would be OK with that and accept him as he is, things seemed to go easier - including home schooling, which resulted in his graduating with honors!

Resources: There is no "one size fits all" rule for parenting. Following divorce, I raised my son alone for nearly two decades. I didn't spend a lot of time reading parenting books, but instead invested time in him, being as fascinated as he was with the things he was discovering as he grew up.

When money was tight (and lets face it, it often is), we made the most of mundane tasks - washing dishes, doing laundry, vacuuming - you name it, and we made it fun. In this way, my son taught me a lot about the person he was becoming.

I also hosted and participated in a single parents small group through my church, which helped to reinforce the fact that I wasn't alone in my insanity, or when I thought things were spiraling out of control. I realize that a faith-based group may not be for everyone, but whatever the source, I highly recommend getting with a group of men and women who are going through the same trials and tribulations as you. As long as everyone has an equal opportunity to share - and all agree to just listen and not judge - the group will thrive and you will find peace in the midst of bedlam.

Other than that, just love your kid for who he or she is. Don't try to live vicariously through your kids, or impose your agenda for life upon your child. Instead, guide and encourage, set boundaries (yes it's true that kids actually want them), and ALWAYS be consistent. Don't make veiled threats without follow through. Consequences to bad or undesired behavior is paramount to building life experience. Believe me - your kid(s) will thank you. Mine did!

Oct 09, 2009, 01:38PM PDT | 0 comments | 2 cheers