How I did it: My girlfriend mentioned to me that she'd never seen the films, and we had nothing better to do so I agreed that we'd sit and watch the whole thing on DVD. We got some snacks and sat through it.

Apart from the eye candy, the fact that Tolkien was a good, albeit somewhat verbose writer, and some of the comic relief, Lord of the Rings has been something of a one hit wonder with me. Seeing the whole thing in one sitting was the final nail in the coffin.

I will basically never watch this film again. The ending blows flaccid equine penis, it's like having a used tampon thrown at your face as a way of saying "thanks for watching, you dick". Yeah there are some great masculine parts, like the riders of rohan with all their beards and windswept celtic-like hillfort awesomeness. But I really can't say I've ever noticed much difference between the cinema version and the extended edition, except maybe for the rediculous passage of time that seems to occur on the extended DVD. I don't really think any of the good parts make up for the the bad parts, or the extremely unnecessarily long parts.

In summary, if you're thinking this would be cool, it's not. Unless of course, you are a geek, in which case you probably already spend every day of every week doing this anyway.

Lessons & tips: Watching back to back extended edition boxsets is a very gay waste of the better part of a day. You will never be able to get that time back once you have spent it. It will be forever lost, just like the time you will spend wondering why the fuck you bothered doing it in the first place. You may choose to seek vengeance from those who inflicted this film upon you, but you must remember that vengeance is a dark path that yields no rich reward, only a shallow feeling of wondering why you didn't spend so much of your life outside enjoying the planet earth rather than fucking middle earth.

Resources: My DVD player, the boxset, electricity, the cable between the DVD player and the TV, and my TV are all products and services that helped me to climb this mountain of stupid.

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Oct 20, 03:03PM PDT | 0 comments | 1 cheer