How I did it: Now, I don't recommend this drastic approach to everyone, this was my solution to my sad existance. I decided to go out and get a total different life in one year by TOTALLY getting rid of my old one. That meant, family, friends, job, the state I was currently living in, my clothes, my name, many of my belongings and habits. I asked a friend who was no longer living in my state if I could live with her for 6 weeks til I saved money/found apt. She said yes. I applied for a job in the other state, got it, packed some belongings and hightailed it to a strange new city hundreds of miles a way. I kept/told the 2 friends I could always count on and no one else, not even my family. I cut all contact with them. I hate to say so, but they were part of the problem. I stopped using my family/nickname and made everyone learn to pronounce my given name ( NO you can't shorten it) and totally changed my persona from a doormat to assertive and fun. I had read/re-read some really great novels with some of my all-time favorite heroines and made myself over in their image. I talked the way they talked, acted, reacted, etc. I said to myself, the things they would say to themselves, inside of their heads, to bolster and push themselves. I repeated these affirmations over and over so many times to myself and others that slowly I began to believe them. In acting as these women acted/reacted to people and life I essentially created new habits and taught people how to treat me; in the way that I wanted to be treated. I slowly became a different person. The person that I had always wanted to be. I learned about things that I liked and disliked and I slowly shrugged off the persona that I had carried around for so long that other people thought I should have. I said goodbye to the girl that other people thought I should be. I found out who I was. I liked her a lot, this new me. And in doing these things I attracted good people. I found good friends, and best of all, when I least expected it, I found the perfect person to spend the rest of my life with. He is the greatest blessing I've ever received He is the first and only person I have ever met that likes me "just the way I am." He has never tried to change me or suggest that I "be different." When I was ready. I slowly stepped back into the universe that is "my family." Yes there was anger and a lot of not understanding why I did what I did the way that I did it. I will never regret it. I was and still am amazed at how the new me reacts to them now. I am pleased at the strength that I found in the absence of so much negative influence. I am pleased with my process of change.  Don't get me wrong, My life IS NOT PERFECT by any means, and I do still struggle to maintain the new me in the face of so many situations that test me. I am constantly in a state of change. But it's so much easier now that I am living for me and not because someone thinks I should live a certain way, their way.

Lessons & tips: Listen to your inner voice. Even if the road looks scary, pick up your head and stride on. Even if you have to start out alone, gather your strength around you and step out into life. Be that change you've always wanted. Look to your heroines/heroes as a guide. There must be someone you've always admired. A book/movie character can be a great guide.

Resources: Friends, family, teachers, etc that are POSITIVE influences. magazines articles/books about the places and people you've always been interested in.

Oct 23, 2009, 06:04PM PDT | 7 comments | 22 cheers