How to create a motivating, positive vision around a long term relationship
How I did it: Like several goals on my list that had a common cause, this one came back to being empirical beyond what was possible. In other words, I stood at the crossroads of "Should I Stay Or Should I Go" for so long that the relationship got stale because I was waiting for a lightening bolt from above to tell me it was right or wrong.
In most cases you already know whether it's right or wrong. What you need is the self confidence to realize that, whether you go into something that's wrong or right, you're better off making a choice than standing at the crossroads.
At some point, when I was in a good relationship, I just agreed with myself that I would try to view the person in the most positive light, and not look for fault. My resistance and fear gradually gave way to a deep respect for the person I married just 3 months ago (after 5 YEARS of dating--at least 4 of which were spent in this "Should I Stay Or Should I Go" state of mind.
Lessons & tips: Let go of a need to know everything and the need to be 100% confident in your choice. Yes, on some level you just know, but the fact is that every one of us is a combination of good and bad. The question becomes whether or not you can wake up and live with the kind of bad your partner brings, and is it worth it for the good they bring.
Resources: The Comfort Trap, by Judith Sills. A great book for people who regularly let fear prevent them from making life changes.
