How I did it:

I know that: 

The only way out of fear is through.  

It’s not what people say, it’s what they do.  

The way to change is by believing in it, and that belief is not a mental construct but rather a feeling of knowing. And it feels clear and sharp and powerful.  

The only way out is through.
Looking directly at my fears and walking through them, head on, changed my life. Everything else I was doing was a diversion away from what scared me. The dramas that ran in a constant loop in my mind, the chatter, the insecurities, and all the problems that defied solutions were all diversions from deeper fears that I didn’t want to face.  

The latter was especially poignant for me because I truly wanted to solve my recurring problems even though they resisted all the ingenious solutions I applied to them. I see now that I didn’t really want to solve them at all. I wanted them to stay because they gave me a way out of dealing with what truly scared me. And all of these problems did go away when I let go and looked at what was hidden beneath.  

When I confronted all of my true fears, the recurring problems dissolved. They began to miraculously heal themselves. They didn’t magically disappear all at once, but they did begin to slowly heal. As painful as it was to travel into the hidden places of my true fears, it was ultimately the key I was always searching for. This is not an easy thing to do, and it takes an enormous amount of courage, which I sometimes didn’t think I had, but by staying with it the light started shining through.

It’s not what people say, it’s what they do.
Ah. This is a lesson I had to learn and relearn several times before it made sense. When I first heard it, I understood it only intellectually and I didn’t use it. Looking back, I could have tried harder to understand the truth in these simple words: It’s not what people say, it’s what they do.

Words are like clothes, anyone can put on a designer outfit and look attractive, but it doesn’t speak to the quality of their character. For that you have to look at what they do. How do they treat you? How do they treat others? How do they treat themselves? I wish I asked myself these questions a lot earlier in my life. But then it would have made things easier, and I didn’t want easy back then.   

It begins with a decision.
This final one is really important to me and I want to get the words right. It took me a long, arduous time to understand, and it’s the most important lesson I’ve ever learned: I create my reality from what I decide to commit myself to, and that commitment comes through as a feeling.  

It’s a feeling. It’s a clear, crisp, powerful feeling with a full force of energy behind it. After I fully commit to a decision, things spontaneously start to align making it real. This is true for the happy events in my life and the unhappy ones. They all happened because I either consciously or unconsciously committed to and believed in them. Wishing and hoping for change won’t do it. It’s not about thinking or logic, it’s a knowing feeling. When I know something is going to happen, it always does.  

This W. H. Murray quote says it all:
“…the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.’  

All it takes is a firm inner commitment, and then it begins. Everything blossoms from a clear, crisp, powerful feeling of knowing.  

Dec 05, 2009, 11:59AM PST | 8 comments | 25 cheers