How to get to know my parents better
How I did it: I asked a ton of questions. This meant asking some tough questions that had answers I was afraid of. I also learned that my mom has a cheesy sense of humor and that my dad, no matter how much he wants to be liked, will never be trusted if he can't be honest. I learned the good and the bad. I found my mom was more willing to be open about herself in an honest way. I found that my dad was a person who wanted to portray a certain type but that he's not honest with himself - or anyone else. I was able to identify why I had issues with trust and why I can watch the funniest movie ever and though find it funny, not laugh out loud. I learned a lot about myself by exploring the inner workings of my parents.
I think my expectations going into this were high - because they were my childhood role models. What I learned is that they are human, faults and all.
One VERY important lesson I learned was that I am not them. I always felt guilty for not having my mom's convictions or my dad's ability to drift aimlessly. I felt like they had both made good lives for themselves and I wanted to do the same, so I would mimic their behaviors. But Heth got lost somewhere trying to do that and ended up feeling guilty a lot, like I had let them down. What I needed to reason with is that I need to not let MYSELF down. That made it entirely worth getting to know them.
Lessons & tips:
- Write down what you learn about your parents. You might forget some things or your kids might ask one day. You can go back and recall what they said.
- Make a list of questions for them. They may dodge certain areas and that's ok. At least you asked.
- Find who YOU are in that mix of genes. Don't feel guilty because you aren't devout in your religeon, because you eat meat, etc. Your parents made YOU - not THEM. They created a unique individual. Be one.
- Forgive past transgressions. Ask for clarifications on things that have bothered you. Ask open-ended questions and really listen to the reply.
- Try to identify their personalities (humorous, scared, apprehensive, Type A/B, etc). This will help you put them in perspective.
Resources:
- The phone
- More lists....I have lots of lists....
