How I did it: I approached. And approached. And approached again. I've probably approached upwards of 600 women in the last year. I became an active member of the Atlanta PUA group, found myself a bunch of guys I could go out with on a regular basis. I approached women in shopping malls, grocery stores, bank parking lots, street corners, coffee shops, nightclubs, art galleries...everywhere.

Lessons & tips: Approach Anxiety never goes away. If you don't approach for several weeks or months, it will come back with a vengeance.

The difference between someone who has approached numerous times and a guy who hasn't, is that the guy with experience a) Knows that he isn't going to die from approaching a woman...at worst she'll walk away or blow you off. More often than not, women are very appreciative. b) Knows what to say, when to say it and the correct body language...he looks sharp.

Here's a brief checklist of things that will help you:
1) Do warm-up approaches - ask people (women or men) for the time, directions, where the nearest Starbucks is, etc.
2) Brush, Floss and use Mouthwash before going out and approaching
3) Look your best - don't look like a slob. Fashion matters more than many guys realize. It lets a woman quickly assess whether a man cares about his appearance (and his perceived value) or not. Go listen to the ZZ Top song, "Sharp Dressed Man". High value men look sharp.
4) Get yourself a wing, and do a money exchange. Empty the contents of your wallet, and have your wing give you $20 back for each approach. This works great.
5) Or have your wing point out women you should approach. You should do the same for him.
6) During the day: "I know this is random, but you look interesting and I'd be kicking myself if I didn't say hello." Exchange names. And then: "So what do you enjoy doing when you're not X (shopping at Macy's, having coffee at Starbucks, etc)?" More often than not, women you don't know will say "work" or "I'm a student". At this point, BREAK RAPPORT. (i.e. "You work?" I work too!) You break rapport to show that you're not a needy, approval-seeking guy. Women run from guys that seek approval -- and they like a challenge. Have a normal conversation from there. At this point, qualify for your interests. (ie: Do you like art? Are you into music? or cold read - You look like an artist. Or, You must be a musician.) Being selective is attractive.
7) Remember your goals: Get her contact info (phone, email, facebook); Try for an instadate (ie: "I'm going to Starbucks for a cup of coffee. You should join me.")
8) Understand that the worst that can happen is the woman says "not interested", "has a boyfriend", "is married", and so forth. Don't hesitate. Just get it done. I've heard on numerous occasions "You've made my day! Thank you SO much."
9) Body Language is VERY important. Learn alpha male body language - lean back, show active disinterest, lock in, strong eye contact, smile, open body language. Do not cross your arms or legs. Get your hands out of your pockets. Don't fidget.
10) Inner Game: Remember your worth. You are the MAN. You deserve the BEST. Go out there and get what you deserve, and don't make any apologies for it.
11) If you hesitate, notice when you're making excuses. Are you making an excuse not to approach? What is it that you're afraid of? Recognize the inner-chatter.
12) At night, don't drink, or limit yourself to one beer/glass of wine.
13) Write Field Reports on a PUA bulletin board when you're done. Record your sets using a Sansa Clip voice recorder/mp3 player. Play back your approaches and hear how you sound. Where could you have improved? Ask for feedback from others on the board.

Resources: David DeAngelo
Adam Lyons
PUATraining.com
El Topo
AtlantaPUA.com

Dec 30, 2009, 08:19PM PST | 4 comments | 1 cheer