"I waited so long it gave me a severe case of performance anxiety over the idea of having sex, but it turned out okay in the end."
How I did it: It wasn't planned. I was visiting a friend out of state whom I hadn't seen in quite a while. It just kind of happened. I guess because I hadn't even considered it as a possibility, that made it easier to just go with the flow and not overthink it for once.
I'd waited such a long time because I was always hoping the emotions would line up on both sides and that just never seemed to happen. So was this how I'd have chosen for it to go? Not really, but I'm good with my choice.
In the end, I'm glad it was with a friend. That took a lot of the pressure off. And it's over with, but I didn't throw it away on some stranger I met in a bar or something. I always felt the stigma that was attached to being a virgin at my age. I didn't let it get to me so badly that I was willing to have sex with just anyone, but it's still a relief. I'd always felt there was a club of which I couldn't be a member. Silly, but true.
I just hope it doesn't complicate our friendship. I doubt it will, because we don't really see each other that often. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, the proper precautions were taken, no one pressured anyone into anything the other didn't want to do. So while it wasn't the ideal, I don't regret it. I feel like I can breathe a bit easier about sex now.
Lessons & tips: Honestly I don't think I'd have had the maturity to make the right choice in my teens. As an adult I'm better able to compartmentalize; to not confuse sex with love. And don't get too hung up one what, how, when you think it should happen. Trust yourself to know when it's right for you. If it's preplanned, great. If it's not, just be safe and make sure you trust each other enough that you're both equally into it.
Resources: Time? Lots of time? Haha.
Feb 14, 2010, 08:07AM PST
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Strawberry7 cheered this 22 months ago
