How I did it: What can I say? It took me a long time to come to grips with who I am because I was always trying to be someone else.

Growing up people often told me things like: why can't you be more like... or ... what you're doing/thinking/saying/etc is wrong.

And I guess after a while I thought that "I" was wrong.

Also being adopted from Korea and never feeling like I fit in here was part of the problem. I also didn't know much about my birth family.

Meeting my birth family and seeing that I am like them in someways and in some ways I am really different, really helped.

I studied for 7 months in Korea and really got to see what aspects of me are taken from my American life and what things I really enjoy about Korean life.

I left Korea not really feeling as if I was between to worlds but very secure in my own world, one that doesn't sit on a map of geography, but a life that comes from my experiences, my thoughts, feelings and passions. It is a place that cannot be located in just one place, but in the hearts of every person I have become close with.

It is in my families, in my friends, in my mentors, etc.

Volunteering and becoming an artist really grounded me in what I call "myself".

But the thing is, figuring out who I am wasn't saying things like: I like this type of music, I hang out only with these types of people, etc.

It came from just being, from accepting when I do things both good and bad. It came from stepping back and seeing when I am stubborn, happy, curious, fascinated, etc.

And it took time, it was as if I had to socially re-program myself to love and accept that pure child-like essence that had been shunned a way from ignorant people who wished I would "just be normal, or be like them".

And I have realized, I am normal, I am perfectly myself, if I wasn't true to my nature, than, that would be ab-normal...

I believe we have very little control over the world around us, but one thing we can be certain of, is our choice to life an authentic and self-honest/accepting life.

Lessons & tips: Think about the things you wish you could be and then from that list see what you really are. Why have you tried to change these things about yourself? Is it possible that they are actually things you should accept.
 
For example, I am late a lot, I am also not exactly savvy with time management. But with time I realized, that I am late because I like to be thoughtful about the world around me. I walk slower than other people, because I love to listen to the birds, the children or even the sound of people talking loud and laughing at the corner store.

Sometimes, time will stand still for me, which for others can be seen as a defect, but as a painter, it is a great gift. It allows me to paint for long periods of time without fatigue.   

Resources: Getting involved with others can help you understand yourself better. Of course, avoid people who are trying to change you!!! These people are dangerous. Surely, if you have a serious problem, such as smoking meth, than by all means have your friends talk with you about it. But if you are spending time with folks who are constantly saying everything you do should be done a different way, they may have an extremely negative affect on you.

I volunteered at a ESOL program for Asian Women who were survivors of domestic violence. Working with these women, helped me to use my skills and help others. It boosted my self-confidence and help to break down all the negative lies I heard about myself growing up. The things that made me "uncool" growing up: working too hard, being too motivated, too "energetic", too "kind" too... what ever... were actually great skills that made me a fun teacher!

Find ways here and now to accept who you are, not only by writing it in a journal or reading a self-help book, but going out and seeking out new experiences to help break down the old ones.

Unless we live our lives we will never know who we are, live it fully!

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Feb 20, 2010, 10:48PM PST | 3 comments | 8 cheers