How I did it: weird how these things happened.

I think that the first step for me was to educate myself on the issues that had affected, understand how they caused pain and realize that I didn't want to be treated certain ways.

I read a lot of books.

Journaled constantly, attended counseling and even went to groups.

And it helped alot.

When I found my birth family, that helped alot too.

But when I finally stopped putting so much power and anger into the hands of those who I had bad interactions with, and started focusing on using my energy on my life now, it really helped.

Surely, I think that what happened to me in certain ways was really wrong, and if any of these things happened to my future children (if I ever have any) I would be devastated, but now that it has been years since any of those things have happened, I guess that I have to grow up, I can't stay trapped in a troubled teenager body.

My whole life.

Or stay haunted by teenager thoughts, because I'm much older now, and should be enjoying the fruits of my current life.

So, forgiveness/acceptance really helps, although it isn't for everyone, and also, staying the course to make new experiences and dreams.

The more positive, life arriming experiences you have in your life the more it dilutes the bad old ones.  Think of them as rocks and flowers. In my life I had about 5 serious trauma related experiences, thus I have 5 rocks, but I also had: art, family, music, travelling, education, creativity and journaling. so that was 7 items of good things.

The thing is, that I feel like the good things feel much smaller and lighter compared to the weight of trauma.

So how many flowers do you need, to balance the weight of 5 rocks? Alot of flowers. And they are ever where, you just need to see them or believe you deserve them.

For example: volunteer - I helped out at the Asian Task force for domestic violence, teaching english to survivors of dangerous relationships.

I went to Korea and did portraits for single mothers of their babies.

I studied Korean and went to korean classes at a local adult center.

I applied for school and I am going to graduate this year.

I went to new york a few times, travelled out to other places helping people or learning new things.

I bought a bike and put a stereo on it so I could play marvin gaye while I rode around.

I fed pigeons.

I took pictures of the snow and trees.

The more things you actively find, the more you can balance that scale.

But you must be brave and allow yourself to be present while you're doing all these things.

The greatest fear in our lives is to shine as a brightly as have been made to shine.

When you realize just how powerful you are without the need of a tragic story you will know, you are no longer a victim.

I'm not saying it doesn't ever hurt, it does sometimes, but when I look around me and see the friends, family, art work, and photos from travelling, I realize that many things that heal and help, much more of them, than those that once had hurt me.

Lessons & tips: 1. this will take time.
2. research groups, they're wonderful support groups out there.
3. find a hobby or skill you want to focus on, maybe it's a foreign language, music, electronics, etc.
4. volunteer with people who are in need, it may help you see how much you have grown or put your issues in perspective, don't do anything that might be too triggering.
5. seek help, find a counselor or therapist, find one that specializing in your needs, not just a general one, for me, it was an adoptee focused counselor.
6. educate yourself about the concept of the victim, what is it? who is it? how do they become victims and how do people get free? read books, watch movies, discuss with others who can understand.
7. journal, if you can everyday.
8. write down one thing everyday that you saw that was beautiful.
9. rest, this will take time.
10. research ideas such as: acceptance, forgiveness, art therapy, etc.

Resources: Check out EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). This truly changed my life in so many ways.

Hurting and Healing, art therapy book.

12 step survivors programs...

Yoga

Meditation cds

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Mar 17, 2010, 11:46AM PDT | 0 comments | 3 cheers