nothing

I couldn’t be more excited. I plan on doing absolutely NOTHING this summer.

and by “Nothing” I mean writing research papers, learning some damn kanji, finishing up those ea packets, passing petitions for referendum, registering voters, flyering, catering, volunteering, knitting, sewing, designing clothing, concerts, aikido, swimming, photoing, meditating, reading in the treehouse i built when i was 11, lunch dates with old friends, sleepovers, women/photo art museums, aquariums, and relaxation time.

I find myself constantly running. away from friends, family, but mostly myself. I run by doing too much. WAY too much. In the past I was running by
-drinking and doing drugs every second I could/surrounded myself with friends or people all the time
-working 60+ hours a week in the summer
-organizing clubs and organizations for my school/community
-going above and beyond what should be considered above and beyond for school work
-taking care of hurting friends/broken people, esp by dating them
-or some combination of the above

so now I am slowing down. trying and succeeding on some small level. It’s really hard to do actually. Unless I’ve smashed myself against a wall, which I see myself doing more and more recently. I am up and going as fast as I can. Well now is time for just sitting. Listening to music. Knitting. Reading for fun. Finishing up some work and school but limiting it. Seeing friends but not too extreme. I am missing a balance in my life.