become happy with how I look

Sure, if I another individual told me that “I am ugly” and began crying I could easily raise her self-esteem so she believed [or perhaps acted to make me happy?] that she was beautiful. Although that is accomplished successfully, I can never do it to myself. I don’t know what is wrong with me, am I truly so ugly to myself that I am not willing to be happy with the way I look? Or maybe it is because I am so terribly undesirable in my core [and only I know it] that I can not be happy with the shell unless it is so perfect no one would guess what lies beyond. Why am I so contradicting? When will I ever be happy ^[truly]? Must I make myself become want I want to look like in order to be happy, or just learn to accept the reality and know that it is the best I can look and be happy with the way I am now? I hate everything I am, outside and in.
At least I’m trying to understand the paradox I have become…