be more reliable

I’ve recently started actually treating my mild anemia with Iron and stuff, and it’s greatly improved my energy level, which has definitely led to an improved level of organization, and from there improved reliability.

Or it could just be that I’m whupping myself into shape as I feel the impending school year and dread being unprepared for what is to come…but whatever, I am feeling more clear-headed and motivated, so however it’s happening, I do believe that my record is getting better - though it still could use a lot of work!!

but then my life kind of fell apart – I lost one job, and the next disintegrated, all while I was pregnant with and nursing my youngest and most difficult child. My husband was less than supportive through this whole thing, and so in addition to feeling worthless, I also was angry at him a lot of the time.

After the second job, I think I retreated into child-time for a while, just living at my baby’s pace and not much caring about real scheduling, which was pretty sensible because she didn’t actually have any sort of meaningful schedule, and trying to impose one would not have done anything but make me angry and frustrated.

But now, she’s 3, and starting a 5-day-a-week program in the fall, and I will need discipline to make sure she has all she needs and I have all I need for the day ahead on the night before. We’ll need to wake up at an early hour to make a somewhat difficult communte, and I will also have to be prepared for my afternoon job well ahead, which has never been a strength for me.

But most important is that I will have to find a way to get back to steady and reliable instead of my current ‘bailing twine and chewing gum’ method of organization and survival. I’m giving myself a little notice that, come August, there’s going to be some changes made around here to help us all function at a much higher level than we are just now, and from here to August, I’m going to try to give myself a little pampering and break so I get get to it refreshed and ready to go.