kiss a girl

I feel like I need to get this out of my system: not just the kiss, but a lesbian affair.
I’m just scared of doing that and then realizing I’m totally into girls. The thing is, I’m physically and emotionally attracted to women, and physically more than I am to men. But for someone who’s inexperienced in sex and romantic relationships, it might mean nothing. It might all be in my head, intensified by constant feeding.

We’re sitting on the couch, talking about guys, being horny, etc… and she’s like, “Do you want to make out?”

Now I know she wasn’t serious, but I can’t believe I said nothing. I felt awkward, didn’t know what to do, and just smiled.

God, I’m stupid.

She knows I’m bi-curious, and to her, it’s a game, an in-joke between us (and between her and other girls). But the thing is, I like her. I WANT to kiss her, and I don’t want to do it just for fun or to experiment, and definitely not in front of our other girl friends.

If I’m ever going to kiss a girl, I want it to mean something. I want her to kiss me back. I want it to be electric.

I wonder if it will ever happen.