get a girlfriend

I hate pursueing, I dont understand these game rules. If she wants to play hard to get, then trust, she’ll never be gotten by me. I’ll sooner give up, blving that you dont want me, than to think that your being distant b/c you want me so much. She’s confused, crazy, indecisive, and taken! I’m a bout ready to move on. Show me that you want me, too. I’m no good at Chasing, especially with my low ass self-esteem.

Should I be? I find her to be so very out of my league, and her cockyness only encourages this thought. But am I really out of her league?

Look at me, all ballzy, hiting up unattainable girls on Facebook.

Women are fuckin sexy and alluring as hell! Seriously need one of those in my bed at night, this red velvet cake aint cuttin it. Still workin on that getting a female lover ambition….Apparently, I’m still very much a PAB (Pussy Ass Bitch). So yeah..thats setting my plans back a bit. :D

No, I didn’t expect my power rangers to actually speak to her for me and now they’re taking it too damn far. I’m not doing it. I wont speak to her, look at her, message her, befriend her on facebook, stalk her…none of that. I’m so done. I’m so over it (her). I dont have the ballz. I’m a PAB (Pussy ASs Bitch), and if I’m okay with that, my best friend should be too. Obviously I’m not comfortable with myself, how can I be expected to be in a relationship with someone else? Shyt, I’m gonna have to get new power rangers….

Jourdyn….Shay…?? I like women; its a pain in the ass.

I can’t breathe. I’m so sad…so disappointed. I’m crying, tears of great sorrow. I fear I must start all over again. Such high hopes, were so quickly shattered into many tiny pieces. So confused, so lost…so ashamed of one’s’ self for daring to have even a speck of belief. I can’t believe I actually thought I could find love in this God forsaken world…and look at me!! I’m so pathetic, still hoping, still trying to find the light in this never-ending pit of darkness. I just want to be loved, just like everybody else. However, my luck seems to be inevitably doomed to failure. My lust, my heart, my mind are flowing into several different directions. I must be the most undeserving person in this universe, to be fated to live an asexual life without an “other-half”. Even with my faith set in permanent, non-erasable ink on life-warranted paper, I continue to crave a companion. Progress feels not far off from impossible, but it is those miniscule glimpses of affection that defy my leave, and provides me optimism. How is it that I yearn for something that is not meant to be? Is my fate changing right in front of me, because my wish is so intense? Or are my endeavors to find “the one”, hopeless cases, and I should therefore come to terms with my destiny? I love so hard, so fast, but she, the one I love most, never loves me back. So needy, so dependent, so emotionally hysterical…this love thing jerks me from one extreme to the next, making it hard to breathe. Fine, let’s be honest here. I don’t love me…I tolerate me. I deal with me, and pray for a change within myself. Always striving for a better me, because the me right now is never good enough, especially not good enough for her. She’s too perfect, too beautiful, too fun…. I need to be someone else to satisfy her needs and keep her effectively pleased. But I miss her. If I knew that she cared for me, the way I cared for her…I would tell the world; unashamed, undisturbed, and full of glee

…Hours later, once I’ve come closer to accepting my destiny of loneliness, she calls. She calls and tells me she misses me. That speck of hope has returned…most likely to destroy my heart again sometime in the near future…but here I am again all happy, believing that I’ve been blessed with another chance to redeem myself. To prove to myself and to the future-holders that I am capable and worthy of a lover; that there is another human being out there that is exclusively meant to live out the rest of their lives in my arms. That this woman is actually adept to configuring out at least sections of my intricate mind, is willing to deal with my tantrums, and is going to love me unconditionally. Yeah right, sounds like a fairy tale if you ask me. A fairy tale that I refuse to release.