make a space here to write anything I want

I’m here now. A new start.

Sorry but I’m about to fly into a rage and trash the computer in front of me. 43things, or maybe the computer in this internet cafe, won’t let me comment on anything. I’m a little £$%&ed off. Sorry if I can’t reply or catch up today – I really wanted to.

Edit: I give up for today, it’s just not happening. Stupid internet explorer and internet cafe that uses internet explorer. Or 43things, I don’t know.

I’m off to the Apple website to look at new computers.

I really can’t afford to come into the internet cafe very often or stay too long. But I’m hoping to start looking for a new computer next week! So hopefully I can make a proper comeback soon!

Funny idea for a t-shirt: “I’d rather be alone than use MySpace.”

(I think it’d sell.)

so I’m back at the internet cafe. (for those of you who remember, yes that one.) I won’t be able to check in any more frequently than every 3 days or so for a while, so bear with me if I’m late with cheers and comments!

I notice I’m steadily losing subscribers, and I don’t mind that too much in itself, but just wanted to explain why I haven’t updated very frequently or may not seem to have made many changes lately, in case anyone thinks I’ve lost interest in it. I haven’t. Things have been difficult. Depression is hard, and the swings are swinging lower and longer. I want to make so many changes to my life, but don’t quite know how to go about it. A grant for a creative arts placement, something I’ve been putting almost all my hopes into and something that’s been dragging on for about a year is still yet to come through, and may not come through at all. I’d like to make new friends but don’t quite know how. I am finding more and more things I can be passionate about, but no one to share those things with, because my current friends don’t share those passions, and I don’t really know how to make new ones that I may have more in common with.

Anyway, the sad stuff aside, I do have so many changes in mind. I’m planning to start a new profile on 43things, and maybe a few other places on the web, and try to make use of the internet’s potential to engage with and meet people. I’m thinking of being more open, and part of this involves putting up a photo of myself, which is partly why I’ve been looking into buying a digital camera lately. (It’s looking like it’s going to be a Canon Powershot S3. I’m quite excited about the prospect of having a new toy to play with learning more about photography.) I’m not exactly sure what I’m trying to say here, and maybe I’ve said too much already, but I just wanted people to know that even if the changes may not be showing up on the page here, I’m very much working on them, and hopefully you’ll see the results soon.

I have a spare ticket to see Daniel Kitson tomorrow (8pm, Open Air Theatre in Regent’s Park), would anybody be interested? Here’s the blurb for the event:

Last night I sat in the front room of my friend Gavin, listening to music that makes your toes tingly and your eyes slightly wet and fills everything full of possibility. I had been bored and waiting for sleep to speed the arrival of tomorrow and now here I was, swollen with music and potential. Then I had an idea, a tiny idea that soon bloomed into a mid sized notion. A notion to make people grin with pleasure and shiver with their own potential. To bring the stars down to the tip of our noses, to shake the leaves from trees, to push peoples hearts adrift in a sea of optimistic melancholy.

The idea is a mixture of stand up as the sky towers above us and spoken word as it drops to scrape our heads and as the darkness falls around us, the playing of guitar, and the telling of stories.

Something wonderful. Something magical. Something fitting for where we are. Something that reminds us what we could be. Souls souring, hearts thumping a little more audibly, our memories like rocket fuel for our dreams.

It’s going to be even better than that sounds. I think it’s going to be divided into two halves, first half stand-up and second-half storytelling (possibly his wonderful show Stories for the Wobbly-Hearted, or the new show C90) It’s going to a magical evening, with the weather the way it’s been, Daniel telling stories as the sun sets in Regent’s Park. It would be nice to share the experience with a nice person who’s going to enjoy it as much as I know I’m going to – meeting someone new and making a friend would be a bonus. I’m nice, I promise.

I know I’ve left it a bit late, but leaving things till the last minute makes life more exciting, right? It’s unlikely that someone that would be interested would stumble upon this in time, but I thought I’d give it a chance anyway. It will be a lovely and magical evening! Send me a message via 43people or comment if you’d like to come! :)

The computer has miraculously come back to life, I don’t know why or how, computers are supposed to be the most logical things in the world but they are patently NOT :)

I do have quite a lot to update (esp. re: The Sultan’s Elephant), but have been quite busy, and it’s going to take me a while to catch up with the subscriptions and cheers. Will hopefully get to write more soon!

and now I have no way of getting onto the internet from home. I’m typing this in an internet cafe. It is cold here, they have the air conditioning on for some reason even though it’s well below twenty degrees celcius. And when I sat down in front of the computer I noticed there was hair on the keyboard that looked distinctly pubic, and I’m not sure I want to think about how it got there.

I’ve no idea when or whether I’d be able to get the computer fixed or get a new one, and in the mean time the only way I can get onto the internet is in an internet cafe, which is expensive, so I can only go online every few days. All this is to say that I may be a bit late in replying to comments and cheers for a while. It’s a shame, especially as I had quite a few things to update, and was going to record a song and put it up here.

The up-side, I guess, is that I may actually have more time to get things done. Hopefully I’ll use this time to achieve more of the goals on the list!

should look like this. Like one commenter says, she’s got the meaning of life figured out :)