Say "no" every time i feel like it and not feel guilty

I always feel I have to have an excuse to be ‘allowed’ to say no. So I rather make up some story of why I can’t do this or that then tell people I just don’t want to. And that just makes it complicated, because people keep suggesting alternative times or dates or other changes to make me be able to, when it actually is about not wanting to.

I need to make myself realise that I, like everyone else, is allowed to say no and that a simple ‘no thanks’ without explanation is OK. Really.

I really need to work on this, make more conscious decisions. So many times I just go along with things; not knowing whether I really want to or not, sometimes enjoying it, sometimes regretting it and seeing it as time wasted. Either way, I’m not consciously choosing and so not living my life my way.
I need to be more conscious! How else will I be able to say no? I can’t say no – or yes – honestly when I’m barely aware I am facing a decision!

For great advice on how to say no to things/people/activities you don’t want and to empower yourself, check out this blog:

http://www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com/

I still randomly say yes to things sometimes without even considering if it really is something I want. People ask me to meet a certain day/time/place and I just go ‘yeah sure’ and not until later do I realise it means no gym that day/stressing through dinner/whatever. Really bad of me, I have to start thinking more…maybe I should just say ‘I’ll get back to you’ instead?
Then I can think it through.

But also…Say ‘yes’ every time I feel like it and not feel guilty’..they are connected. If I say no to the things I don’t want to do, I can say yes myself and the things I love. And my time and attention will mean more to others as well, because I’m not just saying yes to anything and everything. I’ll be selective, and so valueing everything more. And more valued.

Starting today.

I need to work at this…I am still very likely to just say yes to things right away without even considering whether it is something I want to do or not…normally it’s just little things; watching a certain movie, having something for lunch, meeting a certain day or time. Sometimes I’m barely even aware of what I am agreeing to!
But, atleast I am aware of it now…maybe I can stop myself before I do it next time.

I find this incredible difficult. When people I care about ask me to meet up/help them with something/do something for them, I tend to say yes even if I haven’t got the time/money/energy to do it. I just hate to disappoint people. And I love to help. But it is making me so tired. I really need to focus on this goal, but it’s so hard…I hate confrontations more than anything. Sigh.