start writing again

I miss writing. I really do. Despite this, I don’t write. Does that mean that I don’t really miss it? Some say that what you do is the true representatin of who you are, what you say is just what you want to be. In which case, maybe I’m not a writer, maybe I just want to be one. But I do miss it, I do. I just don’t know what to write about.

Writing is very, very me. It’s always been a huge part of me, of who I am. I was going to be a writer, a journalist, anything that would let me use my words. Diaries, stories, essays and studies – I’ve written since the day I learned how to. Until last year.

I have barely written a word since graduating university (apart from on here), and the fact that I have lost my writing is probably a big part in me feeling lost, feeling unlike me. And so, I really need to make it a priority to find my writing again.

“But words are things, and a small drop of ink,
Falling like dew, upon a thought, produces
That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think”

-George Gordon Byron

It feels like I have completely lost my writing. I love it, I know that, but I never seem to get down to it. I’m more of a fact-rather-than-fiction writer and loved the essays and things I had to write in school and at university. I have also always been interested in political and social writing, talking about injustice and inequality. Now I’m very much into gender issues, but still not writing. I have been thinking about starting up a blog but can’t seem to find the motivation. I need to find a job, so I am spending most of my time working on my CV or filling in application forms. While that is a form of writing in itself, it’s something that is literally taking all my energy, confidence and motivation from me. I seem unable to write for the sake of it and I really miss it.

I’ve spent the afternoon reading about writing – inspiration, how to, about authors, tips and information. It’s not actually writing, but it’s inspiring me and that’s a start.

I really want to get back into writing, but I feel like I’m all blocked due to the stress of trying to find a job. I have all this free time, but I can’t get myself to use if for writing…I end up in front of the computer most nights, but just surfing around, not doing anything productive. I want to create, but my mind’s blank. What to do?

I wrote a lot when I was a child/early teens; little stories, beginnings of what I hoped would be long stories, even little poems. I wrote political comments and diary entries on internet communities that people loved (before there were blogs). I wrote letters all the time. I kept a journal, and I wrote in it most days for years. Then I grew up, realised I’m not very good at imagining stories (or maybe that’s just in my head? I haven’t tried for years, how do I know?) and gave it up. I kept to what I’m great at. School/University essays and exams.
The last few years I’ve barely written a word. Of course, I’ve written a lot of university work. But I haven’t written anything out of choice for so long. Not even those political little commentaries (and I can’t blame my fear of creative writing for that). I’ve kind of forgotten that I actually love writing. Even the essays for university…I kept putting it off and off and off until I had to do them, and then when I did I always realised how much I loved it. I could write essays all day long. I’m thinking about doing a Masters, and when I think about it, it’s mainly because I want to write! I always loved doing the essays for school. And people always say I’m such a good writer. Today I did some work for a part-time course I’m doing and time just disappeared. Why do I keep ignoring this when I love it so much?