Rule the world

The henchmen dropped my new lazor in the lava moat. >.< OMFG. I swear, they’re all f*cktarded. I’m gonna have to execute them. Maybe I’ll record it and post it on youtube. That’ll teach ‘em.

I tried to make my own Metal Gear to launch some nukes, but the launcher keeps backfiring! I’ve already lost FOUR volcano lairs to the testing process alone!

Piece of advice:
Don’t try to emulate video games when taking over the world. Nukes backfire. Stick to white-collar crime and you’ll rule in no time. Dammit, why am I giving you my tips?X_X

The henchmen STILL haven’t finished my giant laser. If henchmen weren’t so hard to come by, I swear I’d just toss ‘em all in the shark pit and hire a whole new staff. As if that isn’t bad enough, Austin Powers keeps breaking in and breaking all my shit in the lab. VERY, VERY, IRRITATING!!! X_X

It would be cool to be an evil genius with a volcano lair and a big frickin’ lazer, but being an evil henchman would be kewler b-cuz I would get to control the big frickin’ lazer, run around with a machine gun, and wear a matching jumpsuit (ladies can’t stop checking out my butt when I wear a jumpsuit).

Even though henching is fun, I still want to rule the world, so I would knock out the evil genius and dump him off in Wyoming. Noone would ever look there… Noone ever looks there…(maniacal laughter)