lose 25 pounds

Better believe it. In two months, I have recovered all that I have lost. I could beat myself up for it, but instead, I am taking up an old goal I thought I had completed—conquering my sweet tooth.

My orange/apple juice consumption has been a bit out of control, hence contributing to a bit of weight gain. I had managed to free myself from that habit, and fell back into it, now that they are more available. Cutting them out.

Yesterday I weighed myself. 174.4 pounds (77.5 kgs). 30 percent body fat.

I panicked, felt terrible about losing what I already consolidated. Saw myself overweight today, of course, every where I looked. But at some point I realized what I already knew—that I am not going to lose weight through food intake (or lack thereof). The remaining weight is psychological weight, or psychosomatic layers that really hide my emotional insecurities. It sounds new agey, I know, but what the heck, this space is the only place where I can sound as hocus-pocusy as I want. I truly believe that all the layers of toxins and junk in my body are the deep-seated fears I have been carrying around for a long time. And that is not just caloric fat weight, it’s emotional. So the angle to tackle my weight loss through is not fixating on external factors, but rather go within.

I feel terrible. Fat and terrible. Trying to cut down on food. Too much food. And I am at a lovely place where really lovely people expect me to have dinner with them. I need to cut it down, or do more exercise, of which I have almost none lately. This weather doesn’t help either.

77 kgs? Could it be that coming back to Philly (and all the eating that has gone with it) really made me put on all that weight? Guess the scale does not lie. Granted, it was someone else’s scale, and I have my period, but still, this is a hard fact I need to face up to. I need to regain control.

Woohoo! It has been slow, but its been happening!

Going down!

That’s roughly 168 pounds! Ecstatic.

I weigh exactly 170 lbs, or 77 kilograms! Woohoo!

Woohoo! I am 78.5 kgs, roughly 173 pounds. I know I went up and then down mid-month, but I am so excited to have broken 80 kgs. I still want to maintain myself at this weight for a week or so in order to claim a full victory, but am enjoying it for now (especially the part of fitting into clothes I have not worn in years!)