stop lying

The journaling about the motivation behind the lying makes me more aware of it however. And therapy today was good to make me realize how much emotional energy this takes up.

Of living a completely bullsh*t free and fully authentic life. It’s not just verbal interactions anymore—it’s pretty much eliminating every filter that hides or distorts who I am to others.

This requires so much presence and commitment to being aware at every moment.

I feel so bad about recent layers of lies. I am hoping I can shed this with a “solstice cleansing commitment.” Sounds new-agey, I know, but I am putting this out there as an “offering.” Basically, from this summer solstice to the winter solstice, I commit to having this aspect of myself entirely gone.

The urge to participate in conversations leads me to even jump in saying things I don’t know about. I am an expert bullsh*tter. Really. Perhaps its all due to an underlying need of on-the-spot acceptance.
No more of this either.

So many small ones, consecutive, again and again.

Not much reflection. Just recording it for myself. And trying to set myself to stop.

Or at least I perceive myself as one. Now that I actually say it like that, it seems too extreme. I don’t say major lies—I say small lies, interspersed where I shouldn’t need to lie. But I am framing it in those terms because it is the easiest way to overcome this. A drastic, yet effective, measure.

Still living inside the shell of a lie I constructed. Coming to terms with this is something I am not sure how to deal with. I think this is one of my life-lessons—not lie anymore. Definitely one of the hardest.

And not sure how to stop. Seems as if progress in improving my spiritual self is pulled down by set-backs in other areas.

Putting energy and presence into how not to lie anymore.

And I did it! I didn’t lie.

What helped me accomplish this? Thinking about my encounter beforehand, analyzing the situation/event that was creating in me the anxiety of feeling I had to lie, and committing myself not to lying. That was the process to having success. I am set on having this be my pattern on behavior from now on…I lied about other things today, but at least not this one.

Awareness and being in the present helps me not to lie as well.