lose 100 pounds

so I’ve learned –
that you can starve yourself on your diet, and be hungry and miserable all day (and technically – really have lost a few calories toward your weight loss goal)... and then in five minutes and one “meal” – all that hunger you put yourself through is for nothing, because you just ate twice as many calories as you need to maintain your weight.
All of those lost calories were found (plus some) – and all that hunger was for nothing.

got down to 156 but then stalled for a couple weeks –
then went to New Orleans for a week – and decided to eat.
I weighed in at 161 today…
a bit bummed – but just going to start over -
and literally – start over – beccause the program I’ve been using to keep track of my food (VidaOne).. very cool – has crashed -and died – and is apparently unrepairable on my computer…
so I am a little bit rudderless for the moment.
but – 10 pounds to go… and either way – I am now the size I was when I was 24…

Its a year later and I have lost 90 pounds. I have been continuing to lose, but at a slower 1 pound per week and intend to lose this last 10 pounds as if I am eating to maintain my wieght rather than eating to lose weight. I would like to be able to assess how much I can eat so that I maintain – with a potential to lose one pound per month – rather than maintain with a potential to Gain one pound per month. Its so much easier to gain than it is to lose.

I’m 169 – 81 pounds lost… 19 to go. It has really slowed down now that I’m eating at least 1000 calories a day – but my hair is not falling out now – so I guess this is good…
Socially – its not good. “They,” the world that complains about the young ones being too skinny and everyone else being too fat, are all too happy to notice that I’ve dropped weight – and be so “happy” for me… It is very clear that whether that weight loss is healthy or not – is not the point.
I am planning, that this summer when work slows down for me, I will go back to 640 calories a day – just let the hair fall out, and lose the last remaining pounds. I will reach this goal. I dont expect it will take very long by that time – I’m still losing even now – about 1/2 pound per week… so I might not have to do it at all – but then when I’m “done” I know I’m not done. I will have to watch my eating and contemplate every thing that goes into my mouth, and when, and how much – for the rest of my life. Diets are never done. And I Will Not gain this weight back.
I found a new program called VidaOne. It works on my computer as well as my phone – so I can keep track of what I eat when I eat it. (it also keeps track of your exercise – but I’m not exercising – so I dont use that part). This program is pretty neat because it gives me a graphic of how many calories I can eat in this day (to maintain my weight – a calculated Base Metaboic Rate), a waterline to show me where, if I eat below that line, I’ll lose weight – and it shows the amount I have eaten so far today. I like the visual feedback – it helps me know when I’m cheating (but still under my BMR – so I’m cheating and will not lose – but I’m also not necessarily going to be gaining by taking that tidbit). It is visually “my choice” to say, “no thank you – I’ll lose for today” or “yes please, and know that with this bite – my weight will not drop – but it will not necessarily rise either.”

I’ve lost 74 – I have 26 to go. I was not eating enough calories – was eating good calories – but not enough (640/day)... and so I started shedding my hair.
bummer.
so I’ve upped my calories to 900-1000 a day. My hair is staying in – but I’m no longer losing. I stayed at 180 for almost 4 weeks – and then bounced to 176 and have been here for 2 weeks.
I’m tempted to just lose the hair but telling myself I need to figure out how many calories I can eat in a day to maintain – so I’m just seeking that place a little bit early.
Right now – it looks like 1000 might well be maintenance unless I dont mind taking back a few pounds.

50 lbs to go.

I have lost about 33 pounds. Averaging about 2 pounds a week, eating less than 1000 calories a day (1500 calories a day and I gain weight, 1200 calories a day and I maintained my weight – so that’s how I came to 1000) and am only really hungry occasionally – most of the time I’m not thinking about food – so its not bothering me. I’m taking daily vitamins, and making sure I eat regular protein (mostly fish and seafood because beans are to high in calories and if I eat them then I cannot munch as much as I like). I munch on carrots, blueberries, strawberries, blackberries.. basically any high density nibbles I can get a cup of – and I eat ALL DAY if I can.