have a happy marraige

My wife has a smile that is like daybreak over the mountains. When she really smiles, its glorious like that. I often think that she is at her most beautiful when she is truly smiling, when her features are animated in a truly joyous moment.

Its a smile I’d like to be able to bring to her face far more often than I can take any credit for being responsible for.

I woke up this morning, this New Year’s Day, at about 11 am. It was the second time I had woke up today. I woke up earlier to my 3 years old knees in my back as he played with his mother. I went back to sleep. When I awoke again, my children were playing with their toys from Christmas, I could hear their voices alternately cooperative and contentious. I could hear my wife’s voice downstairs, chatting on the phone with a friend. I went down to the kitchen where my (very fine) multi tasking wife was also busy cooking breakfast for me and our brood as she talked on the phone. I sat down and pulled out my planner and began thinking about tommorow when we start to return to the regular routine of kids off to school and me off to work in the day and in the night. And as I reflected a little on my feelings this New Year’s morning, I thought to myself “this is allright. I’m content”. Things are not perfect (are they ever?) but all things considered, our life together as a family felt very good in that moment. Its a New Year, and I’m thankful to God for it and for my wife and my family. God has been very good.

Love is more than just an emotion. Its a choice. Its a decision to be committed, its a decision to have and to hold one person all the days of your life.

My wife and were driving home yesterday from the store. My poor wife has been sick for nearly a week and a half, beating off a strep infection. It had left her very fatigued and feeling crappy every day. This also meant a week long break from all the sex we’ve been having lately. Finally she was feeling better. I was looking forward to getting back to it. I said “Baby, I thought tonight I would massage your feet, rub your back down with some oil and…..”. Cutting me off, she smiled and said “oh, why don’t we just screw instead”.

I’ve been married eleven years. The last few years have been really tough due in part to losing a job and all the stress and havoc that came from that. My wife and I were going through some difficult issues, fightng a lot and when we were not fighting we were not talking and somewhere in that process, my wife decided that she would try a new approach. She started doing two things that made life better. She made an effort to be less critical and she got committed to the idea that we ought to be having a lot more sex. There are other things she is doing, but those two impact me the most I think.

Jointly deciding that we were going to start making love a lot more has reminded us of something that I guess we forgot over the years. Physical intimacy in your marriage just adds energy to your married life. In fact, its like revving up the energy to do the things that married life is about. At least thats the effect on me. Because after a night full of good, energetic, emotional and very hot sex with my wife, I feel better about myself, I feel a damn sight more receptive to her requests, desires and wants and I feel more desire to do the things that will make her happy.

There are many sources of information about married relationships that say that for men, sex is at the top of the list of their emotional needs in a marriage. Sex for men, validates their place in her heart, communicates to them that their spouse loves them and makes them feel like a man.

I listen to Dr. Laura on the radio, and she often makes the point that women have alot of power in their relationships when they remember that sex is their man’s highest need and I think thats very true. Making love with your wife often and well supercharges your desire to make her happy, because for a guy, sex is the single most powerful way a woman can tell you she loves you. It restores that feeling from back when you were dating, when you felt like you would swim through a pack of sharks to bring her a glass of lemonade if she said so.

Guys are very simple, and women who want their men to be more responsive to their needs and desires should remember that taking care of this basic need will do wonders for your man’s attitude and behavior in your marriage.

And just to be clear, its not a one sided thing. My wife enjoys our lovemaking. She enjoys the fact that our sex life has me at the office thinking about the next time I can get home to her. She likes that the more she gives me, the more I want after her. And I think we are both finding that in a stressfull world full of bills, 3 children, work, family issues and all the other things that make up the fabric of our lives, that a lot of good, energetic, playful, experimental, kinky and loving sex seems to make life a lot more bearable.