Find my birth father

It’s hard sometimes even though I have found my father, and I’m not sure if it’s because it’s been these 22 years of my life of things that were unknown to me and things are new, or that I imagined this heartless asshole who didn’t want to stay and raise me and that’s why he left, but yet he is so incredibly nice to me when we talk. I can’t come to tell him all the pain that it caused me growing up and within relationships because he’s such a nice guy to me. He is more than willing to sit down and listen to anything and everything I have to say and he said he deserves a good share of blame. But it is really weird to think about what to say or do because after all these years of not knowing, here’s my chance and it’s like I’ve gone brain dead…

I don’t know what it is about him that gets me so worked up about all of it, last night was another one of those nights where I awoke in silent tears. I get nightmares like he’s already passed away and it scares me. I don’t want it to be the end of my journey, but the search is getting harder with every closed door.

Sometimes I want to give up because this is too hard.

My name is Aubrey. I’m 22 and I have been searching for my father for almost a decade. I only know his name (Benjamin C. Tucker) and birthdate (12-31-67) and some names of his siblings (Robert, John, Brenda, Homer, Thomas, etc.) but I have yet to find any of them. I have tried the free searches on like Myspace and Facebook and ZabaSearch and I’ve paid for a background check through PeopleFinders and I am in the same place I was when I found out. I’m desperate to find him. I don’t care that he left, I just want to know he’s out there somewhere and that maybe he remembers me, too.

I have a two and a half year old daughter who is my saving grace and I would be so lost if I didn’t have her. I can’t imagine how anyone could leave their child.

I just want to know that he’s out there and if he would take a day out of his life to talk to me. I hate the empty void within myself where I should know who I am. I just want him to know, I know… and I’m not angry with his decision to leave. I just want to know him for a day. Just one day.