stop beating myself up for old mistakes

It is so easy to look back on my life and see all the mistakes I made. (I guess that’s why they say Hindsight is 20/20. Duh.)
But it’s been so hard for me to let go of all this. I am forever analyzing these things; how would my life be different now if I hadn’t done this. Or that. Would I be able to live my life now if I didn’t know this person.
School is an easy one. Rather than pay even a little bit of attention to classes, I partied way too hard and flunked out. At the time it was a big deal, but it was like, ok. Now, I look back on it, and I am so embarassed. I hate that I did that. I hate that I was finishing my Bachelor’s when everyone in my class was finishing their Master’s. I hate that I screwed myself over like that.
Often I find myself wishing that when I was growing up, I could have had the future me come back to talk some sense into the current me. My future self could have told me about college (go to class, mo-RON!), sobriety (it’s not so bad having fun sober), the National Guard (for God’s sake, DON’T DO IT!).
But, on the other hand. If I hadn’t flunked out, what would I have majored in, and where would I be now? I might not have spent as much time with my then-boyfriend, so we probably wouldn’t have gotten close, and may not have stayed together.r months after getting married. In one respect, I wish that it had happened later. AFter I had a job, so that we could be more stable. Cuz right now, it’s miserable. Hubby always working, me trying to get ready for a move that seems like it’s never going to happen. It would be so much easier to handle everything if it were just the two of us (and kitty).
But if we had gotten pregnant later, than we wouldn’t have MY son. We would have someone else. And while I’m sure we would have loved that little one just as much, now that I know him, I wouldn’t give my son up for anything.
This is the biggest reason for me wanting to do this. I don’t regret my son. And I feel like crap whenever I think about having waited longer to be prego. I don’t want to regret him. I don’t want to even come close to.