get over my crush

So its been over 2 weeks since I decided to distance myself. I was traveling for work so it wasnt too bad at first but now that I’m back is finally sinking in. I saw him with his date during the weekend at a friends birthday party. It seemed like he wanted to hang out but I avoided him as much as possible, although I did come clean to his boyfriend about my feelings, he was kind of cool about it.
The worst thing is that I miss him as a friend too. It feels lonely not to have him around.

So I did what I should have done a long time ago. I told him that we needed to put some distance between us.
We had been separate once before but I called him back one month into it, which was not enough.
It is painful to think that he wont be around as much. We have shared so many things together as friends. We had just came back from a trip to Puerto Rico for his birthday. But things were getting out of hand. He came back with his ex who wanted us three to hang out.
I hope this time I can stick to my resolution and really be able to be away from him for a while. I wish in the future we can be real friends but I dont know if thats gonna be possible.
A new page in my life seems to be unfolding….

I came back from my overseas trip and I was glad to see him again even if he was still dating that other guy. For some reason I sense that he is not really that much into it .
In any case I had to start traveling for work for a while and I didnt have somebody to take care of my cat during my trips, so talking about it by chance ( well, not sure if it was really by chance) he offered to house sit while I was away. So now he is living in my house , which kind of makes me very happy, but probably has his date over all the time, which doesnt make me very happy. I’m going home every other weekend and it feels really nice to have him in the house, but I know its just a fantasy and its coming to an end in a few weeks.
I dont think I’ll be able to get over him any time soon, and I’ll just have to learn how to deal with that fact.

So I met his date on friday. Nice and kind of cute but somehow strange. We went out in a big group, and the date got drunk so fast that he had to take him home and then he came back to the club. He was kind of mad about that and I couldnt but smile about it, but then he met somebody else at the club. At this point I didnt even know how to feel. It was so ridiculous that I didnt even feel mad anymore.
Things wont change and the only thing that I can change is the way I see them.
On the bright side I went on a second date with somebody else on saturday night and it went pretty well, we’ll see how it goes.

Everybody thought I was overseas, but somebody saw me this week , so I had to “come back” all of a sudden.
When he found out that I was “back”, he called me and we decided to meet for dinner.
I was getting mad at myself because I was all excited to see him again and I was thinking that this time apart didnt work at all.
However during dinner he brought up the topic about the email I sent him. This was the first time ever that he started talking about the subject first. Somehow the fact that he acknowledged my feelings brougth some kind of peace to my mind and somehow may have started the closure process. I really hope so. He is one of my best friends if not the best and I dont want to lose that, I just want to get rid of these feelings for once and for all.
Somehow I feel some peace after last night’s dinner and with a “real” trip coming up things finally may get where they need to be….
Hopefully I wont feel too upset tonight when I meet the person he is dating these days though.

So I havent seen my crush for almost 3 weeks now. I made him believe that I was going to be overseas for a while and I wasnt sure when I was coming back.
He started calling after a week and leaving messages if I was back already. Finally he sent me an email asking me where I was. I told him that I was thinking a lot and that just needed a time for myself. I also told him that it was hard for me seeing how his ideal of helping me get over him was by hurting my heart. He didnt respond to the email.
I still need more time….

So I’m trying to put some space between me and my crush. Being friends has made it difficult so far. I made him believe that I was going to be overseas for a while and I wasnt sure when I was coming back. I’m not sure how long I can keep up the charade but hopefully it’ll be enough to cool off the feelings so we can be just friends in the future.

Well, I didnt hang out with my crush at all this week, which I guess should be a good thing except that I dont really like it.

Knowing how things usually go, in a couple weeks we’ll be hanging out non-stop again…. Vicious cycle :(

Its kind of sad. After all the progress that I’ve made this month almost all my goals were hampered this weekend. I ended up smoking again, having more drinks than what I had planned, didnt get as much sleep as I should have and hanged out way to much with my crush.

The worst part is that I kind of enjoyed it , I should feel more guilty :(

So I guess my feelings are kind of in stand-by right now. I’m not obsessed about him all the time and I’m trying to meet new people but at the same time I enjoy spending time with him even if it is just as friends.
I know this usually is manageable up until he starts dating somebody again, but until then I just wont worry about it. Hopefully I’ll meet somebody before he does.