Alejandro74 in Long Beach is doing 13 things including…

i want to fall in love with someone who loves me as much as i love them!

3 cheers

 

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Alejandro74 has written 8 entries about this goal

Now I was on the other side

So in the last couple of years I was on the other side of the coin. And people fell for me (twice) but for some reason I didnt fall as much for them.
Still recovering from the experiences , so not even sure if I’m ready to work on this goal again yet.



Not a goal but a consequence of a goal ?

You cannot control anybody else’s actions only your own.
I think I need to improve my confidence and self esteem and this may just come as a result.
Still dealing with what happened with my friend but I think I want to move on.



Third time is the charm ... not :(

So it seems I made the same mistake again and fell for a close friend unrequitedly.
This time is even more complicated because there’s been physical contact. We had talk about it in depth but even though he admits there may be something there he doesnt feel the spark or the will to explore it further, but surprise , he wants to strengthen the friendship further.

The ironic part is that he knows how goal oriented I am and that I even have this goal listed here so one of his comments was that he didnt want to become a “goal” part of a checklist.

I know I have the experience now and I should know how to handle this situation but reality usually doesnt work that way. I dont have time to waste any longer, I hope my subconscious somehow realizes that.



Still looking or shouldn't I?

So I did meet somebody that would have been a good potential to attain this goal. I really liked him and it seemed to be reciprocal, but the problem was he was already taken.I know I could pursue it and maybe he would choose me but I dont really feel like breaking any relationship apart.
So I’m still looking , but should I? Do I have to take an active approach or just wait and see if things would happen on their own …



Complicated

Looking at these goals again after not posting here for about two years.

So I did meet somebody since last time I posted. He did fall in love with me, I dont know what did I feel for him. The circumstances didnt allow things to flourish. I still care about him very much and I think he does about me but we just know it wouldnt work out. :(

Still looking though.



Trying

well I guess this is one of the few goals that I’ve tried to do something this week.

I signed up for a couple of online dating websites, and have got a few contacts already. I met somebody last week but the chemistry wasnt really there. Hopefully I’ll meet somebody interesting soon.



Using Psychology for this goal

So I was reading some articles in Social Psychology and I found some pretty interesting stuff that may help in attaining this goal or at least helps understanding the process behind it.

It comes down to the psychology of attraction.
There are several factors involved in the attraction between two people:

Proximity: Attraction is more likely to happen when both people live relatively close to each other.

Physical Attraction: Nobody can deny it is a big factor, however it seems we are attracted to a perceived image. People feel attracted to somebody that they perceive is at least as attractive as they perceive themselves. So this is where insecurities play a factor. If we are insecure about our own image, that is perceived negatively by others no matter how attractive we really are.

Personality Attraction: People can be very attractive but if the dont have the personality to back it up it wont really work. It seems people are attracted to people that have a personality they would like to have themselves.

Similarity: They say opposite attract, but in reality we are looking for people that are similar to ourselves, that share common values, have similar socioeconomic backgrounds, education and interests.

Reciprocity: Last but not least, we are attracted to people that are attracted to us. ( Whole reason behind this goal)
We neeed the validation and our ego needs the confirmation that the loved person feels the same way about us .

Well, reading about this, it has made me realize why previous relationships have not really worked in the past , and what to look for into upcoming ones.



Is it even possible ?

I was talking to a friend of mine about the subject and he said that there is always an imbalance in most relationships. One person will always be more into the other , and thats the way it goes.

So far its been the case with me. I’ve been in love twice but it has not been mutual (there was no interest whatsoever in the other end). I’ve been in several relationships where I have generated some feelings or attachment but the other person has usually been more into it than me.

I’m still hopeful though. It may not be the perfect balance but at least I want to minimize the difference….



Alejandro74 has gotten 3 cheers on this goal.

 

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