make sure my parents know I love them

I make a ton of mistakes. Sometimes I feel like I was one to begin with. I have a younger sister who is very much successful, in a booksmart and studious way. I’m intelligent myself, not applied. I don’t have a strong work ethic when it comes to studies, I want to give to people, and have interactions. Neither of my parents graduated college. My mother never attended and my father failed out…of a few schools. When I was ready to leave high school, I wanted to make them proud of me, I didn’t want to do what they did, because they weren’t too proud of telling me this. But, they didn’t have much guidance when it came to applying. I went to a four-year school on a counselor’s suggestion – because of my SAT scores, of all things. It was a waste of money – my parents’ – and I didn’t want to be cooped up in a classroom. Following my father’s footsteps, I failed out, and proceeded to imitate him again, failing out of a junior college. All on loans they co-signed for me. When I had a breakdown, their insurance paid for the multiple doctors, and the multiple prescriptions, even though they didn’t understand why I couldn’t just make myself think a certain way. I’ve made mistakes, kept secrets, and went against wishes. It kills me to see my mother thinking that she messed up raising me. I want her to know that I make mistakes like everyone else, and no amount of perfect parenting would have prevented that. My parents mean more to me than anyone in this world and raising myself and my sister in a lower middle-class household is, I’m sure, no easy task. I’m grateful for it every minute of my life, no matter what different views I have, no matter what mistakes I make, no matter where I end up in life. As it is, I don’t see myself advancing quickly, because of a couple major setbacks. But, life is a progression and one day at a time will get you….somewhere. And this is why I want to make sure every day that my parents know, genuinely, that I love them.