reorganize my life

I cleaned the big drawer, it was full of things that I no longer use, and I threw a lot of stuff out.

This one was full of glass bottles and jars. I used to need empty bottles, but haven’t for a long time now. I do use the jars, but have far, far more than I need. So I didn’t put back any of the bottles, and a few of the jars, and I will gradually take them out with the rubbish. Kitchen is this week’s zone!

I placed a strategic cloth in the bathroom, so I can clean one thing or another every time I use it. I’ve rememberd to use it three times.
I spent my famous 45 minutes as follows: I washed the dishes, then put away the shopping. I advanced the laundry pipline one step forward. And I spent the rest of the time in the kitchen, as it is, I think, the Flylady zone for this week – I cleaned the work surface and the wall just above it.

My basic routines are washing dishes and handling laundry. Sometimes that’s all that gets done… So I decided to add things as part of those routines. After doing the dishes, I look around, find the one thing in the kitchen that bothers me the most, and clean that. MY kitchen looks much nicer in result. So I added to do something similar with the laundry routine.
The house is a big mess and also dirty and it bothers me much.
I woke up early in the morning specifically to clean, and I did pretty much.

It may mean a good sum of money for me, which I need.

My boyfriend’s flat is so clean and organised it makes me in awe. He is naturally organised. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, on the contrary, it’s very comfortable to be in an organised place! But it makes me feel unworthy. 8( I don’t like the fact that I can’t keep a clean and organised place. Sometimes it makes me feel anxiety to go back home and start tearing the place apart until is sparkling! But I can’t. I can only do small steps and hope to achieve gradual progress.

It’s the last week of the school year and things keep happening. And I bumped my car while reversing out of a narrow place against a stupid barrel that was too low for me to see and I don’t have the money or time to mend the ugly dent. Damn and blast. And the usual things keep happening, like pt sessions and Ofir’s therapy and doctors and dentists.
Yesterday the pt texted me whether it was ok to change the day of our session this week. I saw it too late so didn’t dare reply, so I Didn’t have closure and that bugged me. No big deal, except I’m overwhelmed. Then I dreamt that I put the kids in school in the morning and couldn’t for the life of me remember where I was to go next. PT? No, that’s changed. Ofir’s therapist? No, it can’t bee today because I thought I would have PT. So I can’t have anything now. But isn’t one of the kids due anywhere for some lesson? But it’s late, if I were late anywhere they would have phoned by now. So it’s work, isn’t it? And I ran out of gas, so where does filling gas fit in?
Now to real life, Ofir has her final dance show today, and Nave has a swimming lesson, so I have to leave work early (but I didn’t come late, because pt was canceled) and take them, drive her to her rehearsal, drive him to his class, drive back to see that she was fine, then go get all of us something to eat as we’ll be there all evening. But no gas filling, thankfully.
By the bye, that dream ended with me finally driving to work, and it became very dark. It turned out there was a solar eclipse. Go figure.

Anxiety prevents me from doing things I need to do. It even prevents me from listing them, or admitting to anyone that I have to do them, and haven’t done them yet. It would have been easier to do them if I could list them and talk about them. They’re not scary things. It’s just my own anxiety over things that are not anxiety-provoking to most people.

And let’s not talk about how gross they’ve been. 8|

Here is something to be proud of.