face my fears once a week

Yes, very brave indeed.

Things would happen when you do that.
I phoned another insurance agent. It was hard to make up my mind and do it, but once I picked up the phone, I found I was hardly afraid at all.
Some backgruond: I once made some insurance with some agent. I’m not sure I did right, but I’m still on that plan today. The agent seemed a nice lady. I’d met her a couple of times, and spoke to her on the phone a couple more…
One day, some 3-4 years ago, someone else phoned me from the agency and said they wanted to offer me an additional health insurance plan, something I’d been considering myself. So I agreed to meet. The person on the phone said T won’t come, her husband would come – he is also an agent in the same agency – because T was sick. She had cancer.
I asked the husband how she was, and he said, not good. But you know, there’s a wide range of not being well, even with cancer. Some people get better! Some don’t… I’ve been thinking about her sometimes ever since. And now I had a reason to call him. I really wanted to know how she was. But could I ask?.. and then, wouldn’t it be the considerate, normal thing to do? What do I know about considerate and normal?..
So I phoned him about my insurance, and he checked my files and said: you have a plan here that T has made for you… and I siezed the opportunity to ask: How was T?
“What do you mean: How is T?”, he said, and sounded upset, even angry.
“Well, I…”
“She passed away two years ago!”
Oh dear. But the insurance aspect of it was resolved, so it wasn’t all bad.

I phoned my insurance agent today! I have the rest of the week off.
I’m so tired, I can barely keep my eyes open, I’m going to bed and it’s barely after 9pm…

If you’ve been here a while, you know that I have anxieties. I am also a woman of courage, facing my fears and doing what I think right. I am so full of anxieties, that when it comes to doing somethingreally hard and scarey, for me it’s just what I always do. Examples that come to my mind are: getting out to the world to be totally independent, when I have nothing to start with, including at the time help from my parents; getting a divorce while pregnant; not having a baby boy circumsised, in Israel.
But the things I’m really having trouble dealing with are the every day things. I have anxieties about calling people on the phone. I have anxieties about bank things, insurance things. I feel like a little girl when it comes to that, and want someone to deal with it all for me. I’ve never flown abroad by myself. I’m not afraid of flying, or rather I am afraid, but that’s not what’s stopping me: I’m afraid I wouldn’t know what to do, where to go, on the air port, how to find the hotel, I will get lost in a strange city. Just like a little girl.
Thinking about it, I really think that this branch of anxiety is the fear of appearing stupid. Why does that scare me so? I’ve always been considered smart. Postponing these things only makes it worse, because I feel even more stupid.
I will call my insurance agent this week. And if I do it Sunday, I will not have to face any more fears for the rest of the week…
(This is a very personal confession, really. I don’t think I’ve ever told anybody all this, only just parts of it).