Alyssa in Seattle is doing 32 things including…

never settle for anything less than I deserve

27 cheers

 

Alyssa has written 2 entries about this goal

Excellent progress made....

I have had this goal on here forever, and I’ve made very good progress, and it is kind of one of those things that you are constantly doing throughout your life. So I am going to count it as completed, since I am well on my way, and I will continue to remember to not settle! After all, I’m worth it…



Walking away.....

It is easy to settle, especially when you love a person. Not easily (in fact fighting it every step of the way), I have come to the conclusion that settling for less almost gives the other person the right to continue in a dysfunctional pattern. If you have allowed and forgiven the person for unacceptable and disrespectful behavior, even made excuses to yourself for what has happened to them to make them do these things and keep doing it, then you have set yourself into that pattern as well, and even encouraged it.

Right now I am going through alot of anger, and sadness, and I guess fear in walking away from a person I see so much potential in (and love). Yet I cannot allow myself to accept all the bullshit behavior any longer. The anger comes from really understanding that it is so awful that this person knows how dysfunctional they are being, how much it hurts me (and them), is completely aware they are doing it, and yet are STILL doing it, instead of trying to change that, especially since they claim to care and respect me so much. The sadness comes from feeling they don’t think I’m worth it enough to really try and change it (and that partly probably comes from me sometimes thinking I’m not worth it and trying to learn that I am), and the fear comes from not wanting to lose a person who has been immersed in my life so completely for the last few years, and in so many ways is a close friend, supporter who I have so many cherished memories with, and then feeling I might not ever find the right relationship or a person who would try and move the earth for me. (which on the surface I know is silly to fear, but still I think that at times). It is hard to let go, but we are at an impasse, one I want to get past, but I’m not sure they do, or are not willing to put in the effort to do. So I’m walking away, and it’s is extremely painful, and just plain sucks. This is the first time I have allowed myself to really truly love someone (other than family and friends of course), and it doesn’t feel so good today. In fact a part of me just wants to say fuck the whole loving someone relationship thing. And another part of me hopes that next time is better, and the last part of me wishes someone had a magic wand and let him see what he is letting walk away without a fight.



Alyssa has gotten 27 cheers on this goal.

 

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