Maintain healthy relationships with myself and others

One of my biggest issues is setting boundaries with people. I’m not very good at it. This week has been enlightening and has shown me that this would be a good time to refocus on this goal. I had guests staying with me for the last four nights, and while I love them dearly, I am exhausted. I have cramped three to four people in my smaller place, and feel like I’ve had my house completely invaded. Invaded by people who do not always treat my home the way I do (although, I do tend to be a bit anal about keeping things in perfect condition). I have not had a chance to have any privacy, and I am starting to realize how important that is for me. Time to be able to get work done (I work from home alot), time to go for a run, time to pick up the place so it doesn’t feel like there has been a suitcase explosion. But most important I need to learn how to tell people I need these things without feeling guilty about it.

Now the very positive parts of having people stay with me, is good chats late into the night, having people around and not feeling so lonely during this period I have been going through of major transition. Having a baby around to hold and play with, and breaking myself of my normal routine, which I’ve seemed to latch onto quite strongly lately, probably due to other parts of my life feeling so unstable.

I guess the bottome line is, I’m glad I’ve had this week, but I am also very excited for tonight, when they’ve left, and I can have a little ‘me’ time….and maybe I’ll think more in the future on how to set the boundaries, so I don’t feel so tired by the end of it all. Being a single person as you get older is strange, while so many people are used to being around others constantly (married, kids, etc.), you get used to being alone and loving it. Maybe to our detriment, but then again, maybe not.

I sometimes hate succumbing to the typical emotionally based reactions that only a woman seems to have. I have to admit, one holiday that brings out the emotional reaction in me is Valentine’s day, the day that seemed to be created to make 90% of the population feel bad. I mean, really, how many of us can say we have had a great Valentine’s day EVERY year. Or that we have had that special “someone” on that particular day. And the one that seems to ail me, having someone, but the days ends up being anything but special. And then, making excuses for it. Not to mention, I think every day should have the potential of honoring the person your with, with a little extra love.

Recently I have been trying to move on from relationships that don’t meet the things I’ve come want, and deserve, in life. And also in this quest, to maintain healthy relationships, especially one with myself. So I have decided to create the perfect date for the 14th. I have rewarded my efforts to this goal with a trip to New York in February, and a date with my closest male friend in celebrating an “anti” Valentine’s Day. Celebrating not having to be in love with someone to have a good day, but just loving life and friends, and having a damn good time of it. Life is too short to pine away, feel depressed or bad because you’re single, or even worse, staying with someone who doesn’t fulfill your expectations, or at least give it their best damn shot. So this year I am not settling for sitting around hoping to have a date with a person I care for(bleck, how awful), but instead making one that is sure to be a blast. And even better, not settling for someone who is too afraid to say I love you.

Every time I think I am doing well, and I am healthy and doing the right things where myself and relationships are concerned, I tend to see an Oprah show that blows that whole healthy feeling out of the water. I happened to watch one yesterday (first one in months!) and realized, yet again, I am settling for the crumbs in life, and not the whole cake. I am not trying to say that I am not doing a good job in general, I am trying to keep pounding it into my head that there are things in this life I want, and I can have them and settling for less is silly, and probably won’t make me very happy in the long run. Over the past year, I have really started to feel like an adult, I have made very adult investments, very adult decisions, and now I am starting to learn what I want from my adult life. And I am not getting it. I also want to continue to change personally, because I think that these things I want start with my attitude, and it is not always “perfect”, for lack of a better word. So I guess I need to readjust yet again, and remember that I am worth it. And sometimes, when you change, others follow suit and things get fixed easier. Also I have to remember, I can’t force change on others, they have to find their own way, and hopefully, they will.