learn to love myself

one thing! It goes back to my entry about the bake sale I had for charity. When I get involved in something, I really get involved. I find something I like to do, and I put my all in it with a passion. I really enjoyed doing the bake sale (except for the baking under the hot sun part…). And it’s a good feeling to know that the $230 I made is going to help underprivileged children, especially with the economy the way it is, and food prices rising (the money helps to fund after-school food nutritional programs into the summer, when funding generally runs out).

My body has been through years of abuse. I’m not what you’d call overweight; in fact, I’m within my recommended weight range, although I could use some toning. Here lately I’ve been respecting my body more by cramming in less sweets (I’m a candy-holic) and more healthy foods, and by exercising it. Diabetes runs in my family, big time, and I had it when I was pregnant. Part of loving yourself is by loving and taking care of your body. Now, I’m not saying that overweight people don’t love themselves.

is being yourself. For years and years, I’ve hidden certain things I like. Dumb, I know. Who cares if I like something that someone else doesn’t? Lots of people have different interests; it’s those interests that make us, well, interesing. So, I present to you, the public, my new play list on my MP3 player:
-12 songs by Mushroomhead, including Almost Gone and Sun Doesn’t Rise
-Jack Johnson
-Kate Voegele
-Sara Bareilles
-Sheryl Crow
-Maroon 5 (a group my DH loathes)
-Taylor Swift
-Spoon
-Seether
-Drowning Pool
-Eve 6
-Rob Thomas
-Seven Mary Three (the 90’s stuff, not the new hippy stuff)

Quite the eclectic mix, no?

I got my hair cut a few days ago. Now, normally when I get my hair cut, I’m a freak afterward, because 99.9% of the time it doesn’t turn out the way I wanted it. The girl who cut my hair did a great job, but she styled it all weird, and put pomade in my hair, making a nice, greasy mess. Anyway, it looked better when I fixed it myself, but of course I started fa-reaking out because it was shorter than I intended. I can’t put it in a ponytail, which is a disaster for a mom of 3. Anyway, I went out with some friends Friday night, and my friend Josh complimented my hair. He said, “That style looks REALLY good on you.” Instead of cutting myself down, or saying why the cut looks bad, I said, “Thank you.” Silly to most people, but a big deal to me, because I don’t take compliments well, and when people say something nice about me, I always find the negative in it.

I’ve come to realize that I love myself less than I love anyone in my life. I need to learn to love myself more! I deserve it! I’ve made a list of ways I can try to accomplish this goal:

-Find one thing I like about myself. I can think of 10,000 reasons I don’t like myself. I just need one genuine one.

-Go back on anti-depressants. I AM worth a trip to the doctor.

-Find one hobby I truly enjoy. Not something others want me to do. Something I want to do.

-Consider going to a therapist.

-Stop doing things to seek others approval. I don’t need to live to please others.