Heal

It’s been difficult confronting some of my deep rooted issues about certain pains of the past. Tonight i worked a little on this. I found it a little too much and had to stop after 5 minutes. I’m going to try spending a little time healing my problems. I think though one of the keys to healing is being grateful, not neccesarily a focus on your problems.

When i get chance i practice healing. Either through reiki or meditation. Placing my hands over my feet in the bath is so soothing and comforting especially after long 15 hour days. I am practicing meditation also for a few moments. I always tell myself that i have a few moments for me any time i need it. I confirm to my everyday mind that trys to rush me through my day, that it’s important for me to take a moment for myself to be and to rejuvenate and look after myelf. Healing is part of my destiny, not only for myself but i realise for others. It’s important for me that i’ll be able to help others with my knowledge also. I feel very lucky that i have a deep understanding of what it is to heal. I’ve been through many different stages of healing and to me life is very much a healing journey of self discovery. I’m very much enjoying this exploration and also learning the wisdom of others through books. I’ve bought alot of books on quantum healing i mean to get round to reading and the power of healing with belief. Healing is a very beautiful thing.

Again i’ve done a little reiki today on my ears as they were burning and i started to feel run down and feverish earlier, most likely from stress- it’s definately helping loads- beats paracetamol and works instantly. Energy healing is definately the way to go, the bodys own ability to restore, what could be better than that. I’m really pleased in some respects i’m going through abit of a tough time as my body insists that i look after myself and take care of my mental, emotional and physical body. This is so important to me and to do as my body recommends. I’ve decided to start taking more naps as i do have alot on at the moment and long relaxing baths to recharge abit. This really is keeping illness at bay, which could become a problem if i didn’t stop a few moments to nurture myself.

I’ve been doing a fair amount of this the past few days. I’m really feeling run down and stuggling with life at the moment. Stress has taken it’s toll and now i’m left a shell of the person i was and need to recover. I do think it’s good in life though to be broken down to who you really fundementally are at the core. I know that underneathe i’m a good person, even if i have to be pretty ruthless in my career. I have massive moral problems with doing sales, i think i’m ready for a major life change. I am scared though. The person i am is someone who wants to love and heal, not manipulate and sell. Even though i’m good at sales, i really stuggle on a daily basis with the stress of it. Maybe i would be better doing something more manual, shifting boxes would be better than sales in my opinion! I think i may just get a job shelf stacking, see if i can finance my house with it and lifestyle and find a business that will serve me rather than that i have to serve. Maybe i would be better being self employed and offering a more personal service rather than having a more global image and being a little impersonal in my dealings with people. I’m all abit at sea with what i should be doing at the moment. My heart is telling me i should be working with horses and doing what i love, but my interlect is telling me i should focus on the business as it will be profitable and lead to ultimate gain. It’s just whether i have the stamina and good health to see it through. For now i will continue going through this healing crisis i have reached.

Felt some pain in my chest- i guess this is the need to express some of the grief i haven’t let go from the past. I need to do this i know. I will find time to bring this into my life, although i don’t want this to take over my life. Helping others does help me with my own experience.

Amazing book for personal, spiriutal and healing development. Runs contrary to what you have been told about what makes a personal happy and successful etc…written by a wise man suffering with cancer who is also a psychologist and philosphist. GREAT READING. I often compartmentalize my time. I’ve now learnt that savouring each moment of the day and engaging in all aspects of my life and charactor is important now, not putting aside me time or time for my relationship, but in engaging fully in the chaos of life. Understanding that nature isn’t still it’s moving, it has seasons and that balance is transitory and then comes the storm. That this is part of life and should be embraced.

I do need to heal. I think the best way to heal is using positivity, so i’m going to work on improving my life and being kind to myself and others as when you are nice to others, this is healing too. At the moment i have a poorly stomach. I’m not aware of why that is, maybe something i ate, possibly emotional. I feel like i should be out cleaning my rabbits rather than sitting indoors watching tv and being on 43 things. Perhaps some of the more physical sensations are action signals to me when i’m not listening to what i should do. I seem happier when im moving and symptom free. So i’ll start tonight by getting outside and tidyed up.