die

my ex left me over a year ago and i still cant get over him. after five years and being engaged he decided he wasn’t ready. he just left one day and neveer came home. he wouldn’t give me any excuse just LEFT. since then i dont want to be with or around anyone. when i am it’s completely meaningless.why did he do this to me. i gave him everyhting and more.what is wrong with me? is my hair not blond enough, are my teeth not white enough, am i too fat? what what is it i need to know.everyday i sit and cry to avoid any thinking i blast my music so i don’t think about anything else. i can’t stop the thoughts. i just want them to go away. the voices, the questions i don’t have answers to. just leave me alone.

after my ex left and when i finally decided to take him back after all his pressing he didn’t want me anymore. what’s with the games. i tried killing myselft by downing about 30-40 tynenol pills. apparently this would have only caused some major kidney damage and led to a slow death. i wanted it to be quick and painless but this was the only thing lying around. i will never forget the day. my ex and i were arguing about him not being there for me after leaving me, i know it doesn’t make sense but after 5 years he was all i had. i had no one else to turn to. he decided making his bed was more important then talking to me. i gulped the pills, lyed down and waited for the eld while listening to Adam’s Song by Blink-182, i listen to it whenever i get in one of my moods. after a few minutes as thought about what i was doing and decided i wanted to live and could live without him. today i still wonder what would have happened if didn’t rush to the e.r. i had to hide the whole incident from my parents. i called the ex, he rushed over, i was there for three days and he never called or visited. i was home for over 2 weeks, no one noticed anything or asked any questions. how can anyone ignore someone being home for 2 weeks straight no excuse just lying around? he never visited me i have no one.