become motivated

Being me is hard and struggling. I suppose this entry should also include that i need to Procrastinate way less. I battle daily issues in life and sometimes it’s hard to find solutions to those issues, which for starters, is finding a damn job ASAP !!! You’d think it would be easy, but i guess i don’t qualify for much else than Retail (which i’d gladly go back to) or Fast food (which I DREAD even thinkin of going back there). But i have to start somewhere, soon, even at my age (which isnt’ entirely old, but somedays it feels that way). I’ve worked several hunderd types of jobs in my lifetime and i can never seem to continue to stay in that position for more than a year (if i really enjoy the job in someway, other wise it’s months before i make one of my spontaneous decisions and quit without a back up plan ). Anyways I need help, (in lots of ways obviously and therapy didn’t work) to become motivated so i don’t end up homeless, carless or many of the other unpleasant things that can happen when you have no money and no car and no house and no where else to turn. I’m way depressed, and alone, and lonely and perhaps slightly isolated (all by some of my own bad choices, i suppose) plus i’m a single mom raising a adorably handsome 2 y/o son and i want to prove to him there is more to life than struggling and just surving, but thriving ! Several times in the past month i’ve “snapped” and make spontaneous decisions before i think about the consequences, but that has always been me and i need to “snap” back into a reality where I have a job and my worries arent’ so huge, but for every giant leap there is a baby step, which i can’t even seem to make. I suppose i’m not trying hard enough, but i want to, believe me i want things, no i NEED things to change and i want to take that baby step into a better life, but nothing seems to make me motivated to do it, and i’m scared of what will happen in a very short time if things dont’ change ASAP …. Any advice (or critisism) will be gladly accpeted. I need alot of help, in the form of finances, becoming independent, finding a job, raising my son, learning NOT to make spontaneous split decisions, money management … you name it i probably need it, but how do i go about making myself a better life before i hit rock bottom … I believe i’ve hit rock bottom before .. having you car Repo’d, losing your job, being homeless, living of the kindness of strangers and i don’t want nor need my son to know those lifestyles. Sure my son motivates me to want better, but he’s young and can only do so much of “little things” that make my day, but it’s the daily struggle of ..Well when i get have a job, he needs to go into daycare (which costs money) and then i need gas in my car to go to work, to daycare, back home (which costs money) and then there’s food (which costs money, no matter how much you budget or cut coupons) and it goes on and on (which all costs money) and i can’t see myself (at this moment) finding a job (who’s even hiring right now ) that will pay me enough to support all that, sure i get some help from the State in terms of foodstamps and daycare, but it’s not enough, atleast right now. I dont’ even know where to begin to tell about how fucked up my life is and when there will be a change to fix it, but it needs to be soon and I need motivation instead of wishing it would just fall in my lap … I watch to much TV (which is a given if you read my list enough) and i see shows like Extreme Home makeover and wish those families were me, yet those families were chosen because something bad happened to them and they Needed that help way more than anyone else, I’m healthy and all that so i shouldn’t wish that type of lifestyle on anyone, but when is it my chance to figure out how to catch a break and learn to be a better me and take that baby step to a brighter happier future …