Funk
–noun
1. cowering fear; state of great fright or terror.
I think I might be afraid of pure hapiness, or maybe I’m just lazy. I don’t know. I’m still figuring it out. I want so much, but I do too little to actually acheive my goals. Actually that’s untrue; to acheive goals, you must ultimately HAVE goals. I think I am goal-less. If I set some goals for myself then maybe I’d come around and start to live my life the way I feel it should be.
I know it is in my power and my control to be the person that I want to be, but I just can’t seem to find that spark to get me going. To put that good foot forward and make the necessary changes that I need to make. I don’t know why I seem to think that I can’t do it alone. I can, but I’ve always needed a little bit of an push from someone else. Everything I’ve ever tried to do myself, by myself has been looked down on or frowned upon, so I stopped doing what I felt was right and let the decisions of other people guide my ways. Maybe that’s it… Maybe I’m just afraid that what I do will be looked down at, and so will I for it.
I don’t want to live in fear of screwing something up so much that it will negatively influence the rest of my life. If I live with that fear, then I’m not going to be able to move on, and I’ll never learn from my mistakes… because if I don’t do anything, then I wont do anything wrong, or right. I need to just go for it, I need to find my passions and find my love and take them to another level, one that has no restrictions and will in turn, show me that I have truly learned to live.
This may just be a bunch of incoherant babble… but atleast I’m getting it out, I’m throwing it out there, I’m not letting it nest…
For now, I’m going to try… I’m going to do what I feel is right without worrying how it will be perceived.
To whoever is reading this, don’t think I mean that I’m going around murdering people when I say the things I’ve done have been looked down upon, as I have never murdered anyone, nor do I plan on it.
Best of wishes to those who are finding their place and learning how to live, I’ll take best wishes from you too!
Cheers
