Because I’ve seen too much harsh judgment lately, and fuck that, it’s not constructive.
♥ has written 297 entries about this goal
so I pulled myself together, took a shower and got dressed, and went outside for a walk to get that lovely sunshine on my face.
as I was walking, there was a guy on a bike, who had stopped and turned around to ask me “are you going to walk?” so I said “yes..” and he said “okay”, and took off.
I’m sorry but what just happened there. why would he ask me that? he could have meant “are you going for a walk”, which could just be a weird opening line. or he could have meant “are you going to walk or do you want to hop on the back of my bike” which is even weirder.
maybe he wanted to talk based on my wearing a skirt, but then was put off by my horrendous voice and lack of social skills. hahah.
or maybe it was code and he was waiting for someone to show up and I should have replied with “the coconuts look purple today”.
I had left yesterday’s leftovers in the pan because I’m lazy that’s why, and someone decided to clear it out for me. now what am I going to eat, huh?!
oh how wrong that sentence feels. so very very wrong. I can feel my body physically protesting. that sentence has sent me in tears many times, and has even sent me in a massive panic attack. like all my alarm bells go ringing “this is wrong, this is very very wrong, and a terrible thing to even think”. maybe even like it means danger of some sort. a terrible danger.
I don’t have a bathtub. neither does my mother. I can’t take baths. this is so sad!!! I want to take a bath :(:(:(
Bloody hell.. I can’t sleep, at first cause my mother’s neighbours were playing loud music that was giving me a headache and shaking my mattress (I was gonna say bed but I sleep on the floor), but now there’s a super scary thunder storm. Normally I like thunder storms but this one actually made tears come out of my eyes (I don’t want to say cry) and made my heart race like I just witnessed a murder or something. Flashes so bright and the thunder so loud and it hit so close by several times.. I swear the whole apartment was shaking like it might collapse any moment. and a car alarm went off, too.
Kay I might delete this wussy post in the morning but had to get it off my chest.
last night I dreamed I was in a class and the teacher asked me to give an answer, so I started to give an answer (even though I didn’t know what to say), but this boy was playing his ukulele and the teacher told him to stop. he did stop after a while, but the whole class was a bit rowdy. I was about to continue my answer when R got out her guitar and was strumming it just to annoy me. so I pushed her hand away from the guitar and we were teasingly fighting while I continued talking. then the teacher sighed and exclaimed to me “are you done yet??!!” so I went up to her to show her “look, I was almost finished, just wanted to read till here,” so I go back to reading my answer out loud, but the teacher interrupts again and goes “aaghghh!” while planting her face on her desk like a bored teenager. so I stand up and yell at her “oh will you stop that?!” and I look at my hand and see the blood where R scratched me.
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