find true love

I’m close to giving up on this goal. I’ve got two choices – make finding love a project, or sit and wait, hoping that love finds me. If I make it a project, it takes a lot of time and effort and leaves me feeling even worse. I’d rather not focus on what I want and don’t have.

I have a friend (10 years older than me) who got Glamour Shots photos and used them on her Match.com profile. She is a very attractive woman and she looked gorgeous in the photos. She told me that she received 50 emails in the first week. Now she is dating a man who she is crazy about. Well, I’ve had Glamour Shots, too, and mine didn’t come out so hot. I haven’t received 50 emails after years of off and on Internet dating. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that most men are shallow pigs and judge women by their looks. God, I hate sounding that cynical, but that’s what the evidence seems to indicate.

I’m in a crappy mood today because I hate my new haircut and everything else has gone wrong, too. Maybe later I’ll feel different. But, right now, I think I’ll just enjoy my life and be pleasantly surprised if an eligible man appears and shows interest in me.

This has got to be a priority. I really don’t want to be alone any longer. It’s frustrating to reach for a goal like this, though, as I can’t just make it happen with sheer will power. I’m already trying the Internet dating routine and it’s not working very well. Any ideas and advice are welcome.

I miss my dog so much. I’ve cried and been depressed all weekend. And I not only miss the dog, but I miss having someone to comfort me. I’ve realized that I can’t count on friends or my son to always be there for me. I need true love, someone who will always be there for me (and me for him).

I dreamed that I met a single, attractive, interesting man. I asked his age and he replied 43. I agonized over whether to tell him that I was older, then decided to reveal my age after we polished off the bottle of wine he wanted to share. Remember – this is only a dream. I would never do such a thing in real life :-) Anyway, the next day I was telling a friend about this when it hit me – his age was 43 – the number has become so important to me that it’s now appearing in my dreams! I can only hope that the dream is a sign of good things to come.

And I want it so bad. And I’m tired – that indescribable aching fatigue that comes from not having someone to just put their arms around you at the end of a hard day. I want a relationship for all the right reasons. I’ve proved that I can take care of myself and most days I’m emotionally healthy. I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. And I’m getting scared that I will.

I live in a town not exactly known for being a great place for singles to meet. But, I wouldn’t go to bars or clubs anyway. The online thing sounds great, but it’s not going very well either. OK, I’m picky. But there must be some intelligent, educated, unselfish, interesting men with great senses of humor out there. And I’d really prefer a guy who likes to fix things around the house (and is good at it). And he must love dogs and other critters. And I’d like all the romantic stuff, too … someone who excites me just to be with him. Is that too much to ask?

After my husband died 7-1/2 years ago, I didn’t want to rush into another relationship. But how did I get here? It’s 7 years and I’m still alone – probably because I haven’t really tried to find anyone. I’ve been hoping that love would find me, but maybe now it’s time that I just get out there and look for it.