be a better daughter

with the Become financially independent and the Move out goals.
Because while this ^ is not going well, I gotta somehow improve the time I’ll be living at home…

And then maybe I could relax somehow and feel ok with not moving out yet…

I also feel it’s unfair towards my parents to live on their money and in their house, and to be such a “guest” as they call it. Like I’m not a part of the family.

I’m sorry but I can’t help feeling disconnected.

- There goes my Go to therapy goal >

I try to look at this from their point of view and it’s a really unpleasant sight – some surly, quiet strange shadow who says Hi and Bye and some other meaningless stuff and sometimes at it’s good mooded periods it talks and is a little bit nice.

They shouldn’t love me… It’s unfair since I don’t feel like I love them enough

And they were and are really good parents. I sometimes wish they weren’t, so at least I had a decent reason to be so disconnected and unloving.

: \

The biggest problem is that I don’t feel connected to my family at all. It’s weird…
I’m 20 and the teenage rage must be over (although there wasn’t much of it earlier). It’s just a constant uneasy feeling I have with my family. With my little brother it’s much better though, we get along pretty good recently.
My parent always tell me that I’m not lovable enough, that I’m like a stranger living in the house, that I don’t need them, and don’t express my love at all, don’t talk to them enough.
It’s all true.
And I just can’t help it. With my friends I don’t have those problems.
It’s just the basics of this complicated problem, and I really need therapy to sort this out.