Stop being depressed

nothing in my life has changed except for myself… I don’t wallow in my misery anymore. I find positive things when bad things happen (cause whether or not you like things sometimes bad things do happen). I laugh more. I surround myself with people who make me happy (and remove the ones who make me miserable). So I’m not in love, my job isn’t the greatest and I’m not where i thought i would be at 23… but that’s ok… life is good if you let it be

new pills have blessed me with 2 months of normalness… no numbness, no infinite sadness…. ahhh it’s been good. i’m hoping it’ll last cuz i’m getting used to this

Sometimes i wonder what’s actually better, having people think i’m better and i did it all on my own… or actually getting better with drugs and help from a shrink.
I’m just scared, i can’t stand disapointing everyone again. I come from a perfect middle class family. I’ve had everything i have ever needed i’ve been blessed with more than most people. I’m just defective.
i sometimes wish had a terrible disease, or that i’d get in a terrible accident. Not that i would ever kill myself, but i just i would die… I’m such a coward… I can’t pretend anymore

i’ve been in and out of depression for the last 10 years.. Because of it my high school years are nothing but a blur. It has stopped me from getting in relationships. It has put a lot of strain on some of my friendship. Last year i had to drop out of college mid-semester because i was having more and more episodes (i’ve been depressed, bi-polar and had depersonnalisation episodes oh and i’ve had suicidal tendencies) and my friends had to drive me to the emergency room because i wasn’t myself anymore and i was a danger to myself. So here i am now, scared to go back to college because i don’t think i could live through that again. But i’m doing better. My last episode was in September… it was a big one… i ended up taking about 15 pills and ended up spending the night in the ER. It had been like 4 hrs since i had taken them when my parents tried to wake me up but i couldn’t stand and was incoherent. At the ER they couldn’t pump my stomach because it had been to long, but they kept me in observation because they were scared i would fall into a coma. That whole episode is just like this weird dream, but i have a scar on my hand because during my episode i scratched off a huge chunk of skin. since then i’ve stopped taking my antidepressants and i’ve been doing a lot of work on myself.
that was when i hit rock bottom. that was my wake up call.
since then i’ve been doing a lot better. everyone who knows me is amazed at how much progress i’ve had in these past months. I’ve even been told i radiate happiness…