stop picking my cuticles

The last two days have been a little rough, but I’ve resisted the temptation to pick, even though my hands are dry from the antibacterial soap at work (probably wouldn’t be an issue if I didn’t pee every 45 mins). Having Maurice the Stress Ball at my desk has definitely made a huge difference. The second I realized I’ve started to pick or even thought about it, I pick up my stress ball and fiddle with it until the urge passes.

I’m not sure how much good the cuticle cream is doing, since my hands are still really dry, but I’ll keep using it for the time being.

My hands are really dry today, and I had a hard time remembering not to pick this morning, so I went to Walgreen’s at lunch and finally bought a stress ball to play with while I’m working. (I’m an editor and spend the vast majority of my time reading in front of a computer, with nothing to keep my hands occupied but picking at my fingers.) I have dubbed him Maurice, because I have an uncontrollable need to name inanimate objects. He’s cute and looks a little like a sea anenome.

I hate this goal. I hate it because something like this should be so simple to overcome, yet I’ve been really bad about it again lately (although I did much better this past weekend). I know it’s a stress issue and a boredome issue (like magnoliazz), and I’ve been very stressed lately working on the house. This week, I’m going to pick up one of those stress balls to use while I’m at work and watching TV, because those are the times I’m worst about picking. I’m also bad about it when I’m lying in bed trying to get to sleep, so I got some Burt’s Bees cuticle cream to put on before bed.

Home with a migraine yesterday, I slept most of the day and spent the rest of it on the couch watching TV… and picking my cuticles. My left thumb is raw and bleeding today. I put Neosporin and a Band-Aid on it this morning, so I can’t get at it at the moment.

This goal just seems insurmountable. I want to stop, but I’ve been so stressed out. I know it’s just in my imagination that this actually relieves stress, but I can’t seem to help myself.

Any suggestion? Please? Help?

Last night, I picked at my thumbs pretty badly, and now they’re ragged, which just makes me want to pick them more. I’m trying to leave them alone, but for some reason I don’t have much willpower today. I’m not sure what set me off last night. I wasn’t feeling particularly stressed, although my husband’s out of town for a few days. (To be honest, as much as I love my husband, sometimes a few days to myself is a blessing. It gives me a chance to reset and clear my head, do the things I want to do when I want to do them…) I dropped him at the train station after work, did a couple of errands, ran W2D2 of the Couch to 5k program, and then started cleaning the house (MUCH easier to do without his help, ha ha). I made dinner and then folded laundry while watching “Clean House.” By the time I finished with the laundry, I was wiped out. Maybe I was just too tired to keep myself from picking at them?

I did really well this weekend. I’m not saying I didn’t pick at them at all, but every time I caught myself doing it, I stopped immediately. I’m still putting the hand salve on at bedtime, and I even painted my fingernails. I tend to leave them alone more if they’re painted. They’re already starting to heal, although my thumbs are still pretty red.

I also exfoliated my feet and painted my toenails. Sometimes, it’s nice to be a girl. =^)

This is one of those nasty little habits that always surfaces when I’m under stress, and boy have I been stressed lately.

• My mom’s working up to her 3rd divorce and leaning on me.
• We’ve been on a seriously restricted budget in order to pay off our debt.
• I left a job I absolutely loved for one that’s actually “in my field,” only to find out that I hate my field and thus am questioning a lot of my career aspirations.
• My dog was diagnosed with cancer.

You get the picture. The results is that I’ve been tearing up my cuticles and the skin on either side of my nails, especially my thumbs. I don’t always notice when I start doing it, and once I’ve started, it’s hard to stop. They aren’t bleeding at the moment, but they’re raw and red, and they hurt.

I’m going to make an effort to be more mindful and stop myself as soon as I realize I’ve started. It’s worst when I’m watching TV or lying in bed at night. I’ve started putting some thick hand salve on before I go to bed, so that’s helped then. I’m going to try to have something else available to do with my hands while watching TV.