live passionately

I’ve been smiling, laughing and having a lot of fun lately for reasons I don’t wanna admit and people are starting to notice..but i have got to find a better reason for smiling—it cant be because of him…

I’m fine now…I laugh, i have fun, I’m enjoying life now..but how come it seems weird to me, being…..happy?..am i?!..what is this?!But I am having fun.I guess i should just be thankful.

I looked up the definition of passion earlier.One of it’s definition is that passion is an intense enthusiasm for something.
This has been a long school year for me. I’ve worked my butt off more this semester than I had in my entire years in college. I kept telling myself how good It must feel to get through this and be victorious and know that my hard work had paid off. last week I got my answer. my hard work did pay off and I will soon reap its “benefits”.but the thing is it didn’t make me happy. I was relieved but that was about it. I feel nothing.
All of those things are weighing heavily on me. I don’t even wanna be obvious about it cos I don’t want my mom to notice.Why am I not happy about it?

I feel like I’ve never really lived. I walk through life with tunnel vision and I don’t like it so much anymore. I want to actually start living and not have to feel that life is such a routine.
I’ve always envied people who have passion. passion for work, for life, for everything. Me, i never had that..how can one get it?!